David Redfern - Cancer Survivor!

And finally...again!

2010-05-19T07:36:00.008+01:00

So..for all of you who are still out there...he went off with a bang which is exactly what he wanted. Thanks so much to all those who took the time to come and who shared their thoughts with me afterwards. I know that so many of you were touched and...yes I'm going to say it...'inspired' by it. I thought I would cry through the whole thing but in fact every time I looked at David's coffin I couldn't help but smile...I know he would have loved the whole thing and several people told me that they felt he was there with us and I felt very much the same and it was a wonderful feeling.

I am so proud of everyone who took part - you were all amazing and wonderful and everything you said/sang/showed was just right and a fitting tribute to a unique and remarkable person.

Apologies to those I didn't get to speak to...there were so many and my feet were in tatters by the time I got home (note to self...high heels and graveyards are not a good combination!) but it was incredible to walk into the church and see so many people there and also at the Sharbrook afterwards (that one's for you Sian!) A huge thanks and hug go to my 'main man' Phil who did such a fabulous job with the Order of Service...they just looked incredible and will be a wonderful keepsake for us all. It was very emotional putting it together!!

After we got home we had a couple of glasses of wine (I think it was two...sorry lost count somewhere)...and spent a mad couple of hours with the kids hula hooping in the garden and then watching 'The Rock' (one of David's favourite films - very old school!)

Today is a quiet day...we are going to wander up to the church yard again later to spend some time looking at the flowers and listen to the birds..it is a beautiful spot and very peaceful. Wasn't it a beautiful day too yesterday...and so warm..just lovely!

Tomorrow will be a new day..time to take a deep breath and look forward and think about the future and maybe make some changes...and as the song 'Yesterday' said...'Heaven knows what the future holds' and that's true. This at last will be my final blog (honestly!)and I sign off as someone who has undergone so much change in the past 2 years and has been on a difficult journey but who has emerged the other side full of gratitude, hope, faith, courage and determination to start anew...with my wonderful family and friends and my Lord helping me along the way...and my David always in my heart guiding me too.

Finally...many people have spoken to me about potentially publishing David's blog and it is something I will look into in the coming weeks, if it's right then I am sure it will happen. David didn't start it for that purpose of course but if it would help and...ouch....'inspire' others who may be going through similar journeys and possibly raise some money for St John's then I think it is worthwhile - so watch this space. I will endeavour to let you all know as and when and if it happens...may have to put it on the blog...oh no here we go again....

So, for now, signing off with a smile and as Jane put so beautifully in the Book of Memories..to my beloved David and to all of you lovely people...

'Keep safe on your next Journey'

Love always and always,
Florence x

An invitation....and some good news!

2010-05-11T06:37:00.006+01:00

Good morning all,

Just to let you know that David's body has now been fully prepared for burial and if you wish to you can arrange to see him at Arnold's chapel of rest. You do need to ring in advance to make an appointment. I have dressed him in his brown suit, the one he wore to his friend Nathan's wedding just a couple of months ago...the last time I saw him in it he looked so handsome and was so excited about being invited... The emotional hits will just keep coming I know..

I am not sure as yet whether I want to go and see him now. I have been thinking about it for the past couple of days but am still undecided and I know that people have very definite views about this sort of thing. To be honest I don't know if I will regret it if I don't or maybe I will regret it if I do....

Also on a practical note, unfortunately we are not able to use the large community centre/village hall carpark which is across the road from Bromham baptist church as they have an event on on Tuesday morning (although if it's not busy you may be able to sneak in!) There is parking at the Church itself and quite a few side roads that you will be able to park on but my advice if you have trouble walking that you do get to the church fairly early if possible. I can promise it will be worth the trouble.

Today I am going up to the church yard with my minister Graham and we are meeting the minister of Odell church there later on this morning to see where the grave will be...glad the sun is shining! The churchyard is in an idealic spot...set on the hillside and full of spring flowers at this time of year...I am glad I will be able to visit it often and I know it will be a comfort for all of us to have him so close.

OK...to close on a high note I wanted to let you know some very good news! Carys is going to be an extra in a major dance film!! She auditioned in Birmingham in March (Chloe has been involved in the casting for several films in recent months....she knows all the big names in film of course...she's such a luvvie!) and we heard that she got the part yesterday (without Chloe's help I have to say!), and they also want her to attend the premiere in London next year! Go Carys! She was so thrilled and it was lovely to tell her the good news....

So...signing off again..thanks for dropping in..have a good Tuesday...by the way wasn't there an election last week?...oh well don't think I've missed anything!

Florence x

One week on...

2010-05-09T08:11:00.003+01:00

Good morning all

One week on and firstly I need to let you know that the after funeral 'do' (hate the word 'wake') due to 'popularity of the deceased' ( Adrian's comment - blame him for the black humour - he's sitting here in my kitchen) will now take place at the Sharnbrook Hotel, Sharnbrook, which is about 5 mins drive from Odell. Again all this will be in the order of service and will also be announced at the end of the funeral. Was panicking that the village hall, although David's first choice was going to be nowhere near big enough.

One week on...hardly seems possible...we're all doing incredibly well. There have been some very tough moments as you might imagine.....but 80% of the time we're ok which I think is pretty good. James now wears his dad's watch and Carys is keeping a lovely photo of her daddy under her pillow and reckons that he is the cheeky robin who is constantly in the garden at the moment and following everyone around..I'm happy with that picture...

I think it will be after the funeral when it will finally begin to hit home...but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I have felt David's presence and guiding hand throughout the past few days helping me with the tough decisions and giving me comfort in the lonely moments....and I have felt an incredible sense of peace throughout the week...even when the tears have fallen which they have often.

The poor postman is now suing due to a bad back from carrying the enormous amount of cards which arrive through my door every morning and reading those and your wonderful letters has also made me cry...Dawnie and Steve....amazing words and memories you shared.. thanks so much...and thanks to everyone who has taken the time to write, e mail and text.

Have a blessed Sunday....

Love to you all xxx

A bit more clarification, an apology and an update..wow!

2010-05-06T16:31:00.002+01:00

Hi folks...

Me again...seems like my attempt to sign off in grand style just didn't work! I have had a few people (including my own mother, bless her!) asking for more information regarding the funeral so I apologise if it isn't clear - I suppose because I know what is happening it's clear to me if you see what I mean...

Anyway - the service IS a funeral and David's body will be there (he would never forgive me if he missed it!). The service is at Bromham but afterwards invited family and close friends will travel back to Odell for the burial in the parish church, but then everyone who is able to attend is then invited for food and drink at Odell village Hall. This will all be announced again at the end of the service, but I fully appreciate for those people who are travelling some distance and don't know the area it is a bit confusing! Also regarding the black - it is ok to wear some black eg shoes, trousers , underpants etc as long as you are not entirely in black (my mum has just bought a new pair of black trousers!)

I hope this all makes sense now,,

ps - ok so.. while I am still blogging - thanks with all my heart for all the cards, e mails and texts...too many to mention indvidually...I have been SO touched by them and intend to get a book to put them all into. Myself and the kids are all doing well....being busy sorting out the funeral helps in a strange way, but the simplest and oddest things do make me blub as you might imagine. There have been a lot of tears amongst the laughter in the last few days..for example Chloe and I stood on the drive in silence yesterday morning with tears streaming down our faces as the skip which I had filled in David's absence was loaded onto a lorry and taken away...the driver must have thought we were both mad...and the poor parent of a student whom I tutor who rushed up to me with smiles all over her face as I pulled up outside Pilgrims school to register the death (for those who don't know the school shares a carpark with the registrar's office) and asked me with joyful ignorance 'what are you doing here?' was so mortified when she heard the answer that I am sure she will need therapy!

On a more serious note...the range of emotions we have all been through in the last few days has been incredible...I had a couple of days when all I could do was see his face and hear his breathing....and it was torture..to some moments when I feel a huge sense of relief that he is no longer suffering and it is over...to feelings of guilt that I even feel that way...my heart feels like it has a huge David shaped hole in it now...but the cancer shaped hole which has been there for the last 2 years is there no longer..it is as if the sands of time have run from one to the other..filling up one space but leaving an even bigger and more painful one...but some bits of my life which were not ok...are now ok again..and that helps...and some bits will never be ok again..but the memories are still there and talking to a friend who has been through a very similar experience has also helped..thanks Lorraine...she said that through time the memories will only bring joy...not joy mixed with longing and pain...and I am sure that is true...only time will tell I suppose...

Anyway enough rambling on from me...signing off for now...never say never again...

Flo x

Funeral arrangements...at last

2010-05-05T16:51:00.002+01:00

Hi everyone

So sorry for the delay - difficulties in tying up lots of different churches, ministers etc! Typical David - it was never going to be simple!! Below are the details which will be printed in both the Bedford Times and Citizen and the Derby Evening Telegraph.

REDFERN, DAVID MARK ended his brave battle with cancer on Sunday 2nd May at St John’s Hospice, Moggerhanger, aged 44 years. Beloved husband of Teresa (Florence), much loved father of Amy, James and Carys, cherished son of Ken and Ann and brother to Adrian. He touched the hearts of everyone he met and will be missed more than words can say. The service to celebrate his amazing life and his passing into heaven will take place at 11.00 am at Bromham Baptist Church, Bromham, Bedford on Tuesday 18th May. At David’s request no black to be worn and lots of flowers. Donations can also be made to the work of St John’s. All enquiries regarding flowers and donations to Arnold’s Funeral Service, Bedford, Tel: 01234 359529.

I know that it will be a fitting tribute for a wonderful man and I hope that you can join myself and the family there.

Love as always

Teresa aka Florence xx

The Funeral and final bits...

2010-05-03T07:40:00.003+01:00

Good morning everyone

Having said it was my final blog yesterday, so many people have asked about the funeral that I thought I had better post something to let everyone know the arrangements. I am due to meet with the undertaker tomorrow so will post the time and date of the funeral once I have sorted it all out so please look out for it in the next day or two. In all likelihood it will be early next week.

Thanks so much for all your lovely comments, texts and e mails. We have all been comforted by them so much. Also thanks to all my wonderful family and friends who have made things so much easier for me than they might have been in the last few days.

I have walked around the house this morning whilst everyone else sleeps...it seems so quiet without him...and I picked up and read again the card he sent me for our 24th Wedding Anniversary. A card which Amy had to buy for him because he was in hospital...but via her he still managed to organise flowers bless him!!

I have been in two minds as to whether to share the words that he wrote in the card but I think that actually they are not just for me...they are for all of you too and so it seems fitting to end with them and I hope they will bring some comfort to you guys as they have done for me (I won't include the mushy love bit at the bottom)

'My wife, what an amazing year. I just wanted to thank you with every ounce of my being for walking the path with me. I know that it is 'a road less travelled' but with you by my side I know I can be brave'

...and he was.

Florence xx

One journey ends...another begins

2010-05-02T06:11:00.005+01:00

The cliffs above Rospico beach - Easter Monday 2010

Well....David breathed his last at 3.30 am this morning. I sat with him through the night hours, listening to him struggle to breathe and watching his body slowly shut down. In the end he was in peace, with no pain, with his beloved Florence by his side as always...and I know that's what he wanted..

Everyone says it that the end is a relief when it comes and that is true. These last few days have been more traumatic and difficult than I can tell, but those who love him most have had the chance to say goodbye which is how it should be.

My lovely friends...his new journey has now begun and ours must too. This will be my last entry...David's blog was all about the fight...and that is now over for all of us...we now have to face new challenges which will be just as great. The challenge of being without him will be just as big a fight but one which we will all face with courage because that's what he would want and what he deserves.

It has been an honour and a privilege to continue the blog for David whilst he has been unable to do so himself, and the more I talk to people...even the nurses at the hospice who have only had a few days with him...and read the comments on the blog from so many people from all over the globe...the more I begin to understand what an amazing, amazing person he was....the word 'inspiration' is used to describe him time and time again...and I think I will probably never fully know the extent to which he has influenced and enriched the lives of so many who came into contact with him. The greatest honour and privilege has been to share that life with him over the past 27 years....no words can describe how proud I am of him and how much I will miss him.

I have asked him to be there to meet me when my time comes...and I am sure that he will. He will continue to be with us in all our hearts as the days, weeks and years go by...and I know I will hear his voice often.

The funeral will be a wonderful celebration of his life so I hope to see you all there. Let's give him a riotous send off...he would love that!

So...today when you think of David...amongst the tears which I know we will all shed..let there be smiles and laughter too....again, that's what he would want. Even at the end...we had to smile ourselves..David's feet suddenly turned dark brown and none of us could figure out what this strange medical phenomenon was until one of the nurses suddenly realised that she had moisturised his feet with fake tan!!!

So..For David...this is Florence...signing off for the last time and sending you all my love on this wet Sunday morning....isn't it strange how the weather has taken a turn for the worse...(!!)

God bless you and Keep you, and Make His face to shine upon you...and give you Peace xxxxxxxx

One day at a time...

2010-04-29T13:57:00.002+01:00

Hi faithful blog readers,

As mum is with dad at St Johns she has asked me to give you all an update on how dad is getting on.

Well things are looking very different from when Mum last blogged. On Tuesday evening (I think, the days start to merge into one) Dad started to have a new pain in his side under his ribcage, he had a very rough nights sleep and the nurses tried everything that they could to control it for him but all day yesterday he was in continual agonising pain. (Grandma and Grandad came down from Derby yesterday morning) A series of different types of drugs were used over a few hours to try and control it for him but he got to the point where it was too much and he had to be sedated. He then had an uncomfortable afternoon where every time he woke up he was in a lot of pain and wanting to get out of bed,as I'm sure you can imagine this was so horrible to witness, its unbearable to see someone you love in that much pain and not be able to do anything for them, but finally things calmed down and he went off to sleep by about 6pm.

Mum stayed with him last night for what was a reasonably peaceful night compared to the afternoon, he had a bit of a struggle at around 6am but managed to get off to sleep again.

I haven't seen him yet today but Mum has told me that his pain appears to be a little better, its just a case of seeing how he feels every time he comes round. The doctors think that the pain may be nerve related and the morphine and various other drugs seem to be working a little better than yesterday which is an improvement. We've even had some classic random quotes from him about Giant rabbits and various other obscure things which always manage to make us laugh, dad even said yesterday "Gosh what a kafuffle!". I have suggested that mum should start writing down some of these quotes, the comical value is brilliant! (That's Dad for you)

I haven't really had a chance to put anything on here before but I just wanted to say how incredibly thankful I am to everyone who has supported Mum and Dad over this past couple of years, what a journey! The amount of loving friends and family that they have is just a witness to how amazing my parents are. I couldn't be prouder of my Mum, what a rock she is, so strong and brave and Dad is such a fighter. I am so blessed to be their daughter.

To be honest everyday is very very hard at the moment for us all, I have set up a mentality of 'One day at a time' because looking forward any more than that proves to be a bit more that I can handle but God is so so faithful, even when the heartache and pain is too much to bear he's always there to run to. I have no idea how people go through this without him by their side.

So please keep praying wonderful people, your prayers mean more than you could ever imagine and thank you again for everything.

We will blog again soon.

Lots of love,

Amy

Changes....

2010-04-28T06:23:00.004+01:00

Hi all

Just a quickie this morning ( 'oh er missus' as my 14 year old son would say and he's never even seen a 'Carry On' film!!)

I have a theory that I have been concocting over the past few weeks which I would like to share with you.....I think this weather is sent by the Lord as some sort of amazing 'I know things are really bad right now so I'm going to make the sun shine for you all in April for weeks on end which it never does and oh I'll make it about 70 degrees as well just so David can sit on his deck for a few hours and soak it up' type thing. Your thoughts on this please....

David managed to make it home for a few hours yesterday afternoon and sit on his deck in ths sun. He is looking very thin and weak but otherwise is in good spirits. There is a now a small, growing hope that he may be able to be discharged next week into the care of the community nurses if he remains stable. This is more than we had dared dream but the nurses tell me that at his stage things are obviously very unpredictable so we must continue to take things a day at a time....but while there is life....

Meanwhile I making some small changes to make life a bit easier in the face of not having my hubbie at home and I am also learning new skills such as landscaping, skip-filling and cleaning out the fish tanks! Life is change and change is often scary but I am learning that if you face up to the change you need to make rather than allowing yourself to be caught up in the 'well it's never going to be the same' mindset then actually it's ok. Life will never be the same again....I knew that a lifetime ago on a bleak December morning sitting in Dr Saunder's office in Bedford hospital.

So...I have bought myself a new lawnmower, cleaned out the garage so I can actually physically get into it (yes it was that bad!) and bought a new juicer that doesn't leak everywhere! Daft things I know but somehow they are helping me to cope because they are helping me to cope if that makes any sense at all..

Today a tonne of rockery stone and 3/4 of a tonne of topsoil are arriving so that I can finish off landscaping the front garden which is what David has been wanting to do for so long...so a busy day ahead. Dave's mum and dad arrive today for a couple of days to visit so David is planning to have a little trip out with them to his beloved boat this afternoon so will let you know how it all goes.

Keep smiling...you know you want to...Flo xx

David's blog (written Sunday morning)

2010-04-26T18:19:00.006+01:00

Sorry it has taken me so long to blog myself. I could string you a story about Florence hogging the laptop for frenzied late night shopping but you know that anyway!

As it happens she is sitting in my hospice room, pen poised, glasses perched on the end of her nose taking down my every word and looking delectable (I have insisted that she leaves that last sentence in!)

Florence has done an amazing job at keeping you all up to speed with developments that just leaves the last 24 hours or so for me.

Yesterday saw what I felt was a rapid deterioration of my health. I slept most of the day and by bedtime was only capable of feeling pain and sicking up blood. I looked into the great abyss there for a moment and it was a very scary place. My doctor whilst here (Dr Khan) suggested a plan of attack which included re-inserting the NG tube to drain my stomach and increasing the anti-emitic ie sickness medication.

Lo and behold both worked and miraculously as of 10.30 on Sunday morning I am feeling a lot perkier!

My lovely wife was here by 7.30 am bathing me, bringing me ice cold drinks (loving Volvic 'Touch of' water for anyone planning on visiting - hint hint...strawberry is the best!!) and frozen homemade lollipops courtesy of the fabulous Sarah Hearn. Seeing my missus brightened my day and has left me feeling so much better. How would I manage without her? (feel free to barf now - Florence).

A thousand thanks to all those who have visited in the last few days, including my baby brother Adrian who has not only visited but re-modelled the front garden! John and Amanda brought champagne and strawberries which was fabulous and my bessie mate Lord Burrell is another frequent visitor bless him.

Apologies to those who haven't been able to visit when I have been too poorly to see anyone....I'm afraid at the moment I just have to take it a day at a time.

Must warn you that if you do visit I can't guarantee coherent conversation (twas ever thus). I have previously engaged perplexed guests in drug induced conversations regarding Mastermind, pawnbrokers and Jugged Hare! What was that all about??

Anyway, signing off for now...time for post lunch snooze...

Much love

David

The important stuff

2010-04-26T06:24:00.005+01:00

Happy Monday morning to you all

Just a brief Florence blog this morning. I will post one from David this evening as he dictated one to me yesterday morning and I forgot to bring it home with me!

So just a quick update. David has gone from incredibly ill to quite well over the past couple of days. Saturday was a terrible day and they thought they were going to lose him on Saturday night but I will let David tell it for you later. I went in to the hospice at some very early hour yesterday morning but by the time I got there he was feeling a bit brighter and after a bath and some TLC he had a much better day but again more detail later.

Just a couple of things I wanted to say. Firstly all the staff at St Johns are amazing. I can't praise them highly enough and the care they give is just wonderful and they do a difficult and not very well paid job BECAUSE they care. One of the nurses who looks after David came and chatted with us yesterday and she told us that she went home in tears on Saturday night because David was in such a state and she felt so moved by his suffering. She has worked there for 12 years and yet still goes home in tears!

Also she asked me through the medium of the blog to try and help dispel the myth that hospices are scary places (obvious I suppose because of the association with death!) However for anyone who has never been to one I can honestly say that they are the complete opposite. Every time I walk in I feel peaceful, safe and calm. There is no fear and often the place is full of laughter (the nurses are always joking around with each other!)Eventually one of the things I would like to do is to be a volunteer there and to try and give a bit of something back which might help others who are going through this difficult process.

Finally I wanted to say that David and I (in those moments when he is well enough) are working things through, saying the things we need to say and talking about the important stuff like his wishes for the funeral and what happens afterwards with myself and the children. I would like to encourage all of you who has someone near and dear to do the same with them. Inevitably at a time like this you talk ahout whether it is better to be going through the suffering process like this or to walk out the door one day and never come back. There is no better - they are both shit. However what this has shown me is how important it is that if you do get hit by the symbolic bus that you have said what you need to say and written letters for your loved ones and if you have any strong feelings about burial or hymns or flowers then you have made them known. Don't leave it and think it will never happen to you. There is an immense amount of comfort in knowing that those things are in place and that I will be able to carry out David's wishes to the full as and when the time comes. It means the world to me.

Anyway..on that happy note...have a lovely day and PLEASE don't get hit by a bus...I would feel terrible!!

Over to David later

Florence x

Here....and back again

2010-04-24T06:21:00.002+01:00

Hi everyone - another Saturday...another week gone by....

David has been a little better over the past couple of days and so managed to make a trip back to the house for a few hours yesterday afternoon which he enjoyed very much. He even had the energy for a little trip to Carys' school where they were holding a sale to raise funds for their annual summer trip and he laughed and chatted to everyone. Amy and James took him back around 7 pm and he phoned me last night to say he was all settled in for the night.

Thanks to all those who have visited...I know it was hard for you guys but lovely to see you all.

You will have to forgive me. I am struggling to share today so I apologize for just a brief update.I keep starting sentences and then erasing them again. It was a lovely day yesterday.....

Enjoy the sunshine and each other today

Teresa x

And so to St John's.....

2010-04-21T19:09:00.003+01:00

Evening all,

Sorry not to blog last night...the whole family came back to the house after spending the day with David and we had a truly remarkable evening laughing and chatting and then...after reading all your amazing comments on the blog.....finally crying our eyes out together. It was an incredibly emotional night and one I will always remember. I think reality (assisted by a few glasses of wine!) finally hit all of us and we let go and allowed ourselves not to be brave and to show our grief to each other which was so hard to bear but also incredibly cathartic. We hugged and talked and hugged some more and spoke so many precious words which families so rarely get to say to each other (sadly!) both about our love for each other and of course about David and our feelings for him.

The pain of the last 48 hours has been too much to bear at times....and I can't begin to find the words to describe it so I won't even try...but also...strangely...there have also been moments of intense exhilaration when we have celebrated David's life together and have spent precious time both with him and with each other.

So...how is he? David travelled to Moggerhanger in an ambulance late yesterday morning and from the moment we stepped through the door it was like a different world. David is in a room on his own with an en suite shower room, a beautiful view, tv and dvd, a reclining chair and a bed that will put him into whatever position is most comfortable for him all at the touch of a button. I can visit him whenever I wish (even 3 am if I am awake!!) and when you call the nurses they are there within 30 seconds. Hallelujah!! The staff are just wonderful.....nothing is too much trouble and they are listening to what he wants and delivering it without question.

As David himself put it 30 minutes after he arrived they should have a huge slogan at the bottom of the drive 'Croak it in Comfort!' (typical black humour!)

It is a huge relief for him to be there. It is so lovely to come and go as you please without the hassle of busy carparks and lifts that don't work and no privacy. You can have a jacuzzi bath or wander around the gardens, look at the huge carp in the pond, sit in the conservatory and just enjoy spending time together....in fact time just drifts along without you noticing which is lovely.

Yesterday David was very upbeat and chirpy, and coped very well with the transfer, but this morning he was once again in a lot of pain and it took some time to get this under control. He has had a visit from the consultant at the hospice who went through all his symptoms and changed some of the medication he was on which helped greatly and when I left him this evening he was comfortable and relaxed. He is managing small amounts of food and also the steroids do seem to be helping the swelling to a degree. He is becoming very skinny and short of breath which is heartbreaking to see...but in his good moments he has a plan to come home for a day or two and that is keeping his spirits up and giving him something to work towards.

Since making the move he has begun to allow himself to grieve...and the tears are finally coming after all this time. Our hearts are breaking together over our children....the future we will never have together..the grandchildren he will never see...walking Carys up the aisle...and all the dreams and hopes which will never now come true. And yet the love we share somehow makes all the the pain and the hurt bearable...somehow...

Thanks to Ken and Mu for your visit today..it meant so much and was a very precious time for us both. To family and friends....thanks for all your visits/comments/texts etc....as Marion so rightly said in her comment...this is our Gethsemane and it helps so much to know that you are all keeping vigil with us through the days and nights...thankyou all so much.

Florence xx

My dear friends

2010-04-20T02:26:00.004+01:00

Early on Monday morning David took a turn for the worse. He woke up with excruciating spasms in his back which the medical staff struggled to control. When I got in to see him the medical Dr - Dr Harvey had already been in and told him that both surgically and medically there was nothing more they could do for him. Later after a meeting with all parties including Dr Bulusi it was agreed that no further intervention including chemo would help at this stage.

David's bowel is crippled by the cancer and therefore anything he eats is both not being absorbed but is also adding to the congestion. There is fluid in his stomach but not enough to drain off and the excess swelling is wind and poo backing up in his system. They are giving him some steroids to see if that will help to reduce the swelling and make him more comfortable in the short term but no guarantees.

He has at best a few weeks to live. Tomorrow morning he moves to St John's so that they can assist with his pain. His nasal gastic tube has been removed to make things more comfortable for him. His mum and dad arrived this afternoon to see him and his brother Adrian and sister in law Ann and his auntie Joy and uncle Bob have also come down from Derby with a view to visiting him today.

David himself is determined to live as long as he can and is longing to come home for a few days if possible. He is frightened of the pain and is looking forward to getting to St John's so that he can have a more comfortable environment with his needs being looked after by one or two staff rather than 20.

My dear friends - the words I want to write now won't come. It is 2.45 in the morning and sleep seems a million miles away. In the last 2 years I have been at this point in my mind a hundred times but nothing can actually prepare you for it. My head and my heart are so blocked and backed up with thoughts and emotions. It is not possible to keep crying is it? You keep breathing so why are you unable to keep crying? That's all I want to do but I can't.

God walk with you all today.

Florence xx

Ups and Downs..

2010-04-17T07:05:00.005+01:00

Saturday morning! Wow what a rollercoaster!

Sorry I didn't get chance to blog with news last night. David's lovely cousin Julia and her boyfriend were staying the night so I was entertaining (eg taking them over the Bell!). They are training with us as Julia has bought a tutoring franchise so myself and Amy are working with them all weekend to get them ready for their big opening. They are a really great couple - obsessed with not causing me any more work/hassle but they are so excited about running their own business and it was really good to spend a couple of hours talking about them and their future (Julia is pregnant) rather than cancer!!

Anyway back to yesterday....bit frustrating again really. We have been told that Dr B will come and see us on Monday evening as a) he is snowed under with catching up having been away and b) he wants to give David a few more days to recuperate. Eleanor came to see us and spent about 20 mins with us and assured us that although she couldn't speak for Dr B at the moment the chemo (which was booked in before Easter) is still booked in and nothing is 'off the table' so read into that what you will. I think in reality he will discuss the pros/cons/benefits with us and then we can decide how to proceed....so tentatively positive...Monday it is!

David remains well although he does get tired very easily he is much more positive mentally and wanting to play travel scrabble and discuss plans over the Summer. He is eating small portions now although he has got to keep the tube in his nose for now so isn't absorbing much nutritionally but if they remove it they are concerned that his bowel will block again and we will be back to square one. He went for another ultrasound to locate the fluid on his stomach but had a failed attempt last night to drain it off from the marked sites which was a bit frustrating for him as the fluid is obviously there (he is very swollen again) and causing him some discomfort. Apparently unless he gets significantly worse they now won't do anything until Monday.

He is still on intravenous antibiotics until tomorrow night and the plan at the moment is potentially to move him to St John's on Monday for a couple of days - Dr B will visit us there if that is the case.

Not much more to tell at the mo...am off to visit this morning and then training the rest of the weekend so won't get to see him again until Sunday late afternoon. If you do want to visit would you please check with me first - I know I am being very protective but he still isn't up to seeing too many folks at the moment.

Will update if I have any news my faithful blogettes! Have a lovely weekend and enjoy the sunshine!

Florence x

Words are not enough...

2010-04-16T07:07:00.003+01:00

Good morning and what a lovely sunny morning it is -

Firstly thanks with all my heart to everyone who commented on the last blog and the many texts and messages of support that came our way...you are a lovely lot aren't you. I was especially glad to hear from John and his wife - I had heard that he was able to have surgery and is I am so pleased to hear that he is still going strong - bless you both.

Just a quick update today...David is feeling MUCH better - sickness and all other symptoms under control and he is beginning to eat a little again. He just phoned me and for the first time in over a week he sounded like his old self which was WONDERFUL!! He requested that I buy him a narrowboat magazine yesterday (oh so easy to find !!!!) and he was raving about how interesting it was - so yes he's feeling a lot more normal.

We had 2 rather surreal moments yesterday, the first being around 10 am when the Macmillan nurse (Carol), Eleanor (Upper GI nurse) and Yvonne(from St John's) were all gathered around his bed including myself to discuss what was happening and the way forward. David has opened his bowels in the night (won't go into details but suffice to say he needed a shower when I got there!!) and we were all sat around his bed like a little hareem discussing his poo and getting very excited - it was like a scene from a black comedy!

The second surreal moment was in the afternoon - out of nowhere onto the ward appeared a small black gospel choir from a local pentecostal church who started singing hymns and praying for everyone. They came to see David and being a bit put on the spot he thought of the first gospel hymn which he thought they might know which was 'Soon and very soon'. It wasn't until we all started singing that we suddenly realised what the lyrics were and then of course we were all in floods of tears;

'Soon and very soon
We are going to see the King
No more dying there
We are going to see the King,
No more crying there
We are going to see the King,
Hallelujah, hallelujah
We're going to see the King'

It was a moment to cherish and they were so sweet and prayed for him so fervently which was lovely and it was a good excuse for a cuddle and a cry with my hubbie.

What was so good yesterday was that the ladies of the cancer team (mentioned above) finally pulled everything together for us and we now have a plan and it was great just to have things explained clearly and simply. So here we go....David is unable to have surgery as the blockages in his bowel are caused by the cancer in the lining of the bowel (part of the peritoneum) pressing on the bowel. So surgery won't help as the only thing to do would be to take out the bowel entirely which they won't put him through.

The plan now is to get him over to St Johns asap (will be today or Monday I think) where he can have a few days of rest and they can talk to him about his eating, what to do if he becomes unwell again etc and then HOME - HURRAH!

Ok so here is the crunch...we are still waiting on Dr Bulusi to see us ...hopefully today... and I am off down to the hospital shortly to play the waiting game again. He will give us a decision regarding further treatment and reading between the lines I would say it is around 70/30 odds against due to the extent of the spread. If he feels that David won't benefit then he won't do it which is fair enough and we trust that if he feels that he can extend David's life I know he will try to..but it's down to him. If not then we are in the world where we look to control his symptoms and keep him as well as possible over the coming weeks/months and just enjoy our time together.....

I didn't sleep well last night for the first time in a while...but this morning and yesterday both David and I feels God's peace whatever happens...this is not a trite statement...it's just that somehow we both just accept that it is beyond our control.. hence the title of this blog...everything I seemed to say to people yesterday..trying to explain how I felt, just didn't do it justice by a mile...I am hopeful and heartbroken and grieving and grateful all at the same time..sorry for the alliteration...but words are not enough to sum it up and they never will be.

In the midst of all this there you all are...friends...family...mums and dads..brothers and sisters....sons and daughters...dear people we have known just a short while and for many years...oh and Chloe! (only kidding!)and I know that words are not enough for you guys either....

This has been the toughest week of our lives and we couldn't have got through it without all of you so thankyou again...whatever tomorrow brings I know that I've been blessed and nothing can change that...ever.

Finally thanks to my beautiful Amy for stepping into the breach today and doing the training I was supposed to be doing...you are my rock in so many ways.

Will keep you all posted...be good to yourselves today...I recommend Ben and Jerry's Phish food ice cream (thanks to Chloe!)and an episode of Pineapple Dance Studios...fab!

Florence xx

Rocky XV

2010-04-14T21:12:00.004+01:00

Hi lovely friends

Today is possibly the first day when I can't bring myself to tell you all that has happened in the last 24 hours because it's all too raw and upsetting and difficult. I feel like I did when David was first diagnosed, that I am living in a nightmare world where all the days start to merge into one and I hope that at some point I will wake up and realize it was all just a bad dream and all the pain and grief and stress that I am living under will fade into memory. But I am sadly wide awake and the nightmare is very real and it is a infinitely worse for David, which hurts even more. At the moment I feel like I am rolling with the punches, each one of which floors me and I just have to keep coming back for more, rushing from hope to utter despair and back again. Please believe me when I say that I am not trying to be over dramatic and honestly no one can help - it's just the truth of where I am at and tonight I am not feeling brave or positive...just tired and lonely. I know you are all there for us...thankyou...

However my friends what I can do is give you an overview and happily there is some good news in there. The very good news is that the anti sickness drugs finally seem to be working and David is beginning to feel better after a very shaky start this morning where his blood pressure dropped dramatically and he was in terrible pain and they rushed him in for an x ray to try and find out what was happening. As the day progressed his blood pressure also returned to fairly normal and the pain lessened so physically things are a bit more positive.

I have to be at the hospital for 8.30 tomorrow as the surgical team took a look at today's scan and may decide to give him an operation to relieve a blockage in his bowel which they said on Friday was not there. They are apparently coming in the morning to speak to him but what this blockage is or what the surgery might entail I have no clue as the surgeon who came to see him today initially said that it was not worth doing due to the spread of his cancer....please say you are also confused!! He may also need to have his stomach drained again tomorrow but again no definites at this point - you begin to get a sense of my frustration.

Hopefully we may also see Dr Bulusi tomorrow but again no guarantees..depends on his workload so it may be Friday. We trust him above anyone else (medically)so please pray...can't say anymore tonight except thanks my guardian angels Nick and Sarah for all you did today.

Love as always, sleep well,

x

Much the same

2010-04-13T13:51:00.002+01:00

Hi faithful blog readers

Not much to report from the hospital bed today. David remains very poorly - he just sleeps and is sick literally and even my visits seem too much for him so I am only staying for a couple of hours and then leaving him to rest. The results of the blood tests revealled that he has got some sort of infection so they are starting him on anti-biotics today and they have 24 hour sickness relief in a 'driver' straight into his leg. This doesn't seem to be helping however at the moment. He is also getting more fluid build up in his body cavity which will need to be drained again in the next couple of days.

The staff are all lovely and are doing all they can to keep him comfortable but it's just going to take some time for him to start recovering so I think we are in for a fairly long stint in the hospital....of course I will keep you all updated. I'm sorry he is not up to visits at the moment - he has asked for everyone to keep praying for him and I have assured him that when he is up to it there are people queueing up to come and show their love and support!

Thanks again for all words of encouragement and kind thoughts. Thanks particularly to Jane for having and entertaining Carys for the past couple of days - it has made life so much easier for me and has been lovely for her! You are a treasure.

Love as always

Flo xx

2010-04-12T14:50:00.004+01:00

Hi everyone,

I've just left David and come into the office for a couple of hours to try and do some 'normal' stuff for a while. He needs to try and get some sleep and is very poorly - being constantly sick and in quite a lot of pain. The nurses are trying everything to stabilize him but he's now developed a temperature so we are into another round of tests to see if there is any infection which may be causing the sickness.

The Macmillan nurse at the hospital is wonderful and is trying her best to ensure that we get all the information and help we need but generally things do move slowly, and it can be frustrating when you are waiting for the medicines etc. However while I was there she did get one of the doctors to come and talk us through the scan results. It seems that since the last scan 5 weeks ago there has been a very rapid spread of the cancer, which is what we suspected.

Apparently it is not on the bowel as was first mentioned but is actually on the peritoneum which is the membrance which surrounds the stomach, liver, kidneys etc. and that they could see clumps of the disease all over the peritoneum. Dr Bulusi is not back in the country until Thursday so hopefully we will be able to meet with him then and discuss the way forward. At this point the main thing is to get him feeling well again so that he will be fit enough for any chemo etc. that they are able to offer.

I'm so sorry not to be the bearer of better news to you my friends..especially today...love you to all...keep praying..

Florence xx

Monday morning.....

2010-04-12T08:30:00.003+01:00

Good morning to everyone

Today is my 24th wedding anniversary (and also would have been my own mum and dad's if he was still with us...not sure how many years it would have been though mum...?) and whilst taking the dog out on a walk around the river meadow at the country park I think back to this day 24 years ago and what a lovely day it was - it really was one of the happiest days of my life.

I hope that you will forgive me for a little sentimentalism...but looking back at the photographs (apart from considering how terribly dated they look - Dave wore a shiny silver suit with a pink leather tie and had a moustache!)I think about how many people we have loved and lost since then...and how we still miss many of them so much.

Often the pain of that loss can hit you unexpectedly...a line from a song or a present you were given...but what we hopefully learn through time is to acknowledge and accept that the pain is part of the fact that we still love them and also to be thankful for that person and for each day that they walked alongside us on our journey. Today I want to give a big Florence hug to all those who love us and are walking with us at the moment and to say thankyou for being part of our journey and that we are honoured to be even a small part of yours...

Will hopefully update you all later...have a lovely Monday xx

6 Litres!!!

2010-04-11T07:51:00.002+01:00

Morning all

Just a quick update - they came to drain the fluid from around David's stomach at around 8 pm last night - it took 6 hours but in the end they drained 6 litres of fluid! That's 3 large coke bottles!!! Not surprising that he was in pain bless him.

I have just spoken to him this morning and again unsurprisingly he is rather sore and now has a lovely 5 cm incision in his tummy but at least he now doesn't look like he's having triplets!! He won't be out today as they want him to rest and recuperate but should be out tomorrow all being well.

Thanks for checking in - have a blessed Sunday!

PS Many thanks to all who have offered help both practically and through prayer. Please be assured that we ask for help when we need to and it's great to know that you're all there to lean on.

Florence xx

Tough times ahead...

2010-04-10T15:33:00.002+01:00

Hi all

Thanks for checking in again and thanks for all the texts and phone calls I have had already today from friends and family - your love and support make such a difference...as I write this the tears which I have been holding onto for the last couple of hours are finally coming and I feel better for it. Well...let me tell you the latest news..David is now on Elizabeth ward again and is a bit more settled although still very uncomfortable and desperate to get the catheter and the nose tube out. The pain however is now under control as is the sickness.

He had the scan this morning and the good news is that this has shown a large amount of fluid surrounding David's stomach which they are going to drain off using a large needle and local anaesthetic which although nasty will make him far more comfortable and ease the pain. Once he is feeling better he can come home which may even be tomorrow!!

The bad news is the cause of all this fluid build up. It seems that the nasty little bits of cancer cells have now spread to the bowel/around the bowel - apparently its difficult to tell to what extent as the fluid is in the way but trying to get a clear answer is tricky (I am learning that when they are vague its generally not good!). Hopefully on Monday we will get some straight answers from Dr Bulusi, however David is booked in to start chemo again either this week or next so with God's grace this will have the desired effect and shrink everything back down again.

It's tough to take as bad news always is...but it just means we have another fight on our hands and though the mountain does seem a bit higher and a bit steeper than it did a few months ago we ain't going to stop climbing and that's a Florence pledge to everyone including my beloved husband. So...no more tears...bring it on!!

Thanks again for being there guys
xx

Never a dull moment........

2010-04-10T07:55:00.003+01:00

Good morning all and welcome to a Florence blog

Firstly I woke up this morning at around 7am (on my own...will explain in a minute...) to the most beautiful day as I imagine most of you reading this also did. We have had such a rough few days that it made me cry to see such a peaceful, glorious morning with the birds singing and the sun shining - it's been a tough winter hasn't it...let's hope for sunnier times ahead...

Anyway after a few gorgeous peaceful and happy days in our beloved France where we did all the stuff we really enjoy like taking the dog on long walks and playing Rummikub with the kids David started to feel unwell. He had been very happy and well and eating normally, however his stomach became extremely swollen and hard and he started having some severe pains in the top of his stomach. David being David wanted to hang on and see the doctor on our return on Monday (12th) but on Wednesday night he started being sick and when I saw the blood in it I knew we had to get home asap. Here is where French protocol comes into play. We have to have the dog checked by a vet and injected for rabies or ticks (or something) between 24 and 48 hours before we can return home. No amount of me phoning the vet at 3 am on Thursday morning - (which I did - you know me once I get the bit between my teeth!!!) and pleading was going to change the situation and the vet refused to bend the rules for us. So the best I could do was get her down to the vets at 8 am for the injection which then saw us changing our sailing to the first one on Friday morning which was from Caen.

I therefore then set about booking a hotel in Caen which takes dogs and kids and sick husbands - (very rare but found one in the end) and packing up and cleaning the cottage (whilst David slept...and slept...and was sick...and slept....) with the kids help and driving 4 hours up to Caen. David slept the whole way and the whole of the night but woke up on Friday in a lot of pain. Speaking to David's nurse we were very concerned that something had ruptured or burst in his bowel and he was also getting severly dehydrated. However by grit and determination we got him on the boat and sailed home! After a smooth crossing where we spent an extra 50p on a good cabin (Nick and Sarah - that one's for you!!) he managed to sleep most of the way.

On arriving in Portsmouth we made the dash for home only to be foiled by accidents and roadworks on the M25, M1 and A421 so by the time we made it straight to the acute admissions unit where they were already expecting him David was a wreck and so was I to be honest.

1 hour later he was on painkillers, anti sickness medication and had had an x ray and been seen by the surgical team who established that he had not ruptured anything ( thank goodness!) but had some blockage in his bowel which they couldn't see the cause of so they need to give him a scan to find out what is happening. Having catherterised him and given him a nose tube to drain off some of the fluid in his stomach I left him last night still on acute admissions being observed but a lot more comfortable. The title of this blog is the comment I made to him as I left...I did jokingly say I was thinking of having a tattoo done in honour of our 24th wedding anniversary which in on Monday!!!

I think the scan will be this morning and I am obviously heading down there later to see how things are going and will give you an update as soon as I know anything.

In closing I just want to say a huge thanks to Chloe who dropped her plans last night to pick up Dave's painkillers from the doctors and meet us at the hospital to take the kids and dog home and most especially to my amazing, wonderful children, James and Carys who were complete stars the whole time this was happening. I could not have managed without their help and support from beginning to end. I am so proud of both of them and especially James who gave me so many hugs and told me it would be alright but also helped out practically in so many ways without complaint...thankyou son.

Have a wonderful day all...enjoy the sunshine

Florence x

Keep Fighting....

2010-03-31T12:40:00.003+01:00

Well guys...

The sickness is beaten (for now at least!); the new pills mentioned in my last blog have really done the trick. Unfortunately I've added a rather troublesome and remarkably painful chest infection into the equation which saw me at the BEDOC service at South Wing hospital on Sunday evening. I'm on lots of anti-biotics for now but still coughing up nasty brown stuff - YUK! Other that this I'm putting on weight and the chemo scheduled now for the week commencing the 19th April still looks as though it will happen.

We had a great Sunday going to WNL in the morning and sharing the rest of the day with friends - fantastic!

We are off to the cottage in France on Friday for a week with the kids and adding a few business calls in for Teresa in the South West on the way to the Plymouth-Roscoff ferry. Tonight Teresa and I are spending our first night on the new boat which is really exciting. We are preparing the cottage to rent out and if you are interested we've still a few summer holiday weeks left.

Thanks for checking in my friends.

Dave

And I Think To Myself.....

2010-03-25T05:40:00.004Z

......what a wonderful world!

OK, OK I have a short memory and last week (before stable 'meds') and with me me barfing up everything (even water) the world didn't seem too wonderful but what a difference a week makes. Health is fantastic. Appetite is back! Hungry again! Ability to blog in full sentences has vanished!

Seriously I am a blessed man. Seriously blessed. I have a wonderful wife, gorgeous children, loving and committed extended family. I have fantastic friends; too many to mention but especial thanks to Nick & Sarah Hearn and David Burrell who always have the right words to say.

Come on.... give us a smile!

All Sorts Happening

2010-03-19T18:02:00.003Z

Hi All,

After 48 hours of throwing up everything I ate, drank or even thought about the oncologist decided that I wasn't up to the chemo and has postponed it until the 12th April.

To beat the sickness they've started me on two further drugs Levomepromazine whose primary use is the treatment of schizophrenic brain troubles but in low doses wards off sickness very well (so I'm told - by the oncologist not by any dubious alter-ego). Also Dexamethasone which is a steroid to help with appetite. This takes the grand drug total to 9 a day. Rattle, rattle. To be honest I'm glad for the delay. The thought of chemo next week was not sitting too comfortably.

The good news is that the nausea has 100% gone after just one dose. Hurrah! Off to Nick & Sarah Hearn's tonight (our good friends) for the evening. On Sunday a friend of mine is getting married and I'm off to the wedding. Perhaps I'll post a picture of me in my slim fit suit!

Have a good weekend everyone.

God Bless

Dave x

Good Days 'n' Bad Days

2010-03-18T21:06:00.007Z

Well some days the food goes down and stays down. Other days it goes down and comes back to say hello which is VERY frustrating. I have barfed whilst driving, in just about every public loo in Bedford and even in the street (how scuzzy!) in Pont Aven, Brittany. The trouble is I get so little warning. Suddenly I'm hot and then woops seconds later the multi coloured rainbow appears. I'm on a drug called Domperidone which helps a little bit and (thankfully) my weight is at a steady 10.12 which is quite a new experience for a man who has been 12.5 (& + post Christmas, holidays etc.) all his adult life. I must confess to finding the sickness very depressing. The new slim fit 30'' waist suit does look kinda cool though - every cloud.........

I meet with my oncologist tomorrow (Friday) and he will hopefully give me the all clear to start chemo on Monday. That is dependant though on weight, blood counts and me wanting to go ahead. I'll let you know on all three counts.

Thanks for reading - you got nothing better to do my wonderful friends? I'm so glad you haven't or at least if you have that you still make time for me. Bless you.

Florence and I busy buying all the kit we need for the new narrow boat. I've posted some pics above. The dining room here has been turned into a riparian storage depot. Life jackets, crockery and lots of gin. Perfect.

Check in tomorrow for the latest.

Love

Dave xxxx

Update From France...

2010-03-15T20:28:00.003Z

Hi everyone,

Greetings from France. Teresa and I are having a few 'kid-free' days at our cottage in Brittany and having a great time. We flew (rather than taking the ferry) which makes life easier and quicker - it's just a 50 minute flight into Brest from Luton. Flying out we experienced one of the scariest landings we've ever suffered - thanks Ryanair! Bounces, swerving, screeching all quite scary, but we survived to tell the tale! The weather is OK, warmer than the UK according to the forecast and remarkably for Brittany no rain yet (he says in faith!!).

We've just bought ourselves a rather fine 39' narrow boat for weekends and, with a view to selling France eventually. We have to be realistic and me being so ill at Centerparcs during half-term made us realise that if we'd been in France without the right medication we'd have been stuffed! We might try and rent the cottage out first and see how it goes but if anyone fancies buying 'Ty Carys' let us know. The narrow boat is currently called Shanghai but is soon to be renamed 'Florence' of course!

Health is sort of OK. The nasal feeding tube keeps being barfed up and replaced. The Fentanyl patches and buccal tablets are handling the pain but because thay are so strong and a 'controlled' drug you are only allowed a few at a time and I keep running out. A day without pain relief with cancer at this stage is not a lot of fun and normally requires copious post strop apologies from me to Teresa, the kids and anyone unfortunate enough to encounter an 'un-doped up' me. The chief battle at present is to put on weight and get strong enough for next week's chemo. To be honest I don't feel up to it at the moment but hopefully that will change. Still have to inject my belly every morning to ward off the pulmonary embolism in my lung and take a panoply of other pills for various purposes. As the saying goes 'keep taking the tablets'!

I don't know about you but I'm VERY ready for spring; the daffs are out here in France and it does feel at little bit warmer but aren't you ready for sunshine?

So my friends I'll let you know if I manage to gain enough weight and stay well enough for the four rounds of chemo to start next week. Hope so. Sort of!

Keep checking in and praying for us.

Love Dave x

A moment to reflect..

2010-03-03T12:10:00.006Z

Today I looked back over some of the 2+ years worth of blog entries that David and occasionally myself and Chloe have made. If you get a moment today I suggest you do the same. It makes powerful and often moving reading. The scary thing is how fast the time has gone...and yet at the same time I almost struggle to remember what life was like before the big C came into our lives.

If I am honest since that time it has dominated our every waking moment and continues to affect everything we do. Yet it has also encouraged us to live life to the full and almost to live each day as if it was our last as a family together and that has been fabulous. Looking back on the last 2 years we have had some amazing times and wonderful experiences and I have treasured all of those good times and have found a strength through the difficult ones which I never knew I had and I am proud of myself and of all the wonderful people in my life who inspire and help me.

On a recent trip to the hospital one of the nurses who was treating David said that I had 'a hard calling'. Although I had never thought of it that way it struck me that it is a calling in so many ways and although it is not one I would have chosen it is one that I am privileged and honoured to try and fulfil. I am not sure what the next 12 months will bring...health or sickness...good times or more difficult ones but I do have the peace that comes with knowing that I am not alone on this journey and that I am blessed....I pray that in the madness of today you get chance to look back over the past few years or months and know that you feel the same.

Florence

Mixed News - Nodules On The March

2010-02-27T08:04:00.004Z

Hi Everyone,

Well the scan feedback was mixed. No secondaries anywhere which is great news BUT the little flakes and nodules that they found in my body cavity at the time of original diagnoses appear to be be 'waking up'. If you have been following my story since the outset you'll remember that it was these little 'nodules' that put a halt to the curative surgery in the early days.

The 'waking up' was shown by water around my liver and a funny shaped kidney. The oncologist reckons that if he zaps them early enough we could buy me some time. I can't have anymore radiotherapy so it is the chemo route. I think he would like to have started straight away but I'm too weak at present. I have the task of putting on some weight, and getting stronger before March 22nd when four rounds (four weeks each) of chemo begins. This time I'm not having Oxealpatin. This is the blighter that gave me such bad side effects last time. This time round I'm having Irinotecan (Campto) which I'm assured is as effective but kinder as far as side effects are concerned.

So...chemo.... mmmm and I had just got enough hair to spike again. Never mind! The wonderful truth that I was given 9 months of life initially and I am now in month 26! Amen.

On the food front the feeding tube is back in place and I'm getting as much 'gloop' down me as I can stand. I'm also managing to eat some things normally, swallowing is OK and the anti-nausea medication seems to be helping in the battle to keep grub down.

I'm keeping busy which really helps. People keep lecturing me on 'taking it easy' but honestly I'd go mad! I've done a mini makeover of Carys' bedroom and I'm off on a stag 'do' with some mates tonight. I shall trundle around with my feeding rucksack looking vulnerable and delicate! Perhaps I'll manage a Guinness or two - it is 'good for you' after all!

Thanks for dropping by.

Luv

Dave xx

More 'Not So Good' News - Still Smiling!

2010-02-23T17:33:00.004Z

Hi Guys,

Well; CenterParcs was a challenge! I really wasn't too well and it all started with me honking up the nasal feeding tube (again) on the Monday evening and deciding thereafter not to bother for the duration of the holiday. Carys picked up a sickness and squits bug which I caught and then I ran out of painkiller and had to scout every chemist in Brandon & Thetford to find a pharmacist who carries the particular pill. Not an easy task. Needless to say I lost some weight and became very well acquainted with the enamel bowl in our villa. I'm afraid I still puke up most of what I try to eat. Now having said all that between us we enjoyed: badminton, table tennis, archery, fencing, quad bikes, go carts, spa pampering, jewelry making, laser shooting and loads of swimming. We also watch lots of Olympics and some great films including 'Up' and 'The Hurt Locker'. Despite the health issues we really did have a great time; thanks to Florence for organising it for us.

Today was CT scan day and I thought everything would go pretty much to plan but No! Because they use a special dye that is injected into your arm during the scan you have to have a sit down for 10 minutes afterwards before they'll let you go. I've never had any feedback before prior to the consultant's feedback meeting (normally a few days later). Today a nervous looking doctor appeared to tell me that I had a number of blood clots on my lungs which would need instant treatment. This was a real shock as I have had no symptoms at all, no cough, no chest pain, no phlegm. So I now have to inject myself in my much depleted belly (or Florence will) with Tinzaparin Sodium every morning for evermore (no respite for good behaviour). AMEN.

Also... my excellent upper GI specialist nurse told me that there was a lot of fluid around my stomach which would indicate further 'change'; this is normally not good news. We get the full feedback on Thursday so I'll let you know what's said.

Meanwhile _ I have to report to the Endoscopy Dept to have my nasal feeding tube re-fitted (again) so I can get some calories and nutrition down me again. I'm weighing in at a scrawny 10.10lb! In the afternoon I'm getting a visit from my Macmillan Community Nurse.

As you can see it is all go at this end. Please keep praying for me!

Also to the believers out there could you pray for a young mum called Anthea who is suffering from post-natal depression and really needs to Lord's help. If you're not a believer then send some positive 'vibes' in her direction (she lives in Northampton); she's really struggling and needs to get well soon.

Think that's all for now - I'll update again on Thursday after the consultant's meeting and let you know what's said.

Luv Dave xx

Quite A Week

2010-02-14T10:42:00.002Z

Hi All,

Had quite a week! Lots of trips to hospital to get my nose feeding tube re-fitted as everytime I honk it pops out to say hello! To be honest I've just started to put it back myself now (don't tell anyone). I really want to avoid having a 'peg' fitted which is a valve in your tummy and obviously not too pleasant. Eating normally still hurts very much though is just about possible. The pain relief is working well and keeping me comfortable - just.

My next scan is on the 22nd with feedback on the 25th. Let's hope and pray that there is no further spread or nasty secondaries making an appearance anywhere.

We are off to CenterParcs tomorrow for a Monday to Monday holiday which should be fun. I'm not allowed to swim but will happily spectate with a good book and my feeding pump keeping my gloop levels topped up.

There is little or no internet connection at CenterParcs so I'll probably not be able to blog until we get back.

Thanks for checking in, keep praying!

Love

Dave

Sunday Morning

2010-02-07T09:43:00.002Z

Hi All,

A Sunday morning update.

Yesterday was a lot less eventful than Friday; no more emergency tube replacement trips to the hospital needed. I'm starting to get into a routine with the feeding. I start at 5.00 pm and then overnight to 8.00 am; 15 hours a day of glorious nourishing gloop. They can supply me with a ruck sack for 'food on the go'.. not sure that it wouldn't look a little 'sad' but what's new eh?

Seemed to have got the pain sorted thanks to Fentanyl which I'm assured is not addictive but really hits the spot. It does have some side effects including itching, sweating and twitching - lovely!

Just wanted to thank all those who visited me in hospital so thanks to:

My long-suffering wife and kids Carys, James & Chloe.
My mum and dad - all the way from Derby.
Amy & James Fokkens (my lovely oldest daughter and her hubbie).
Nick Hearn (thanks for the mags mate).
Stuart Simms and the Goodson clan (David, Suzy and Ben) from Church.
Our minister - Rev Graham Miles.
My brill mates (Da Boyz) David B & Adrian F from sunny Leicestershire (you keep me sane(ish).

Actually getting excited about going out today. Only to IKEA in MK but a trip none the less. We are looking a kitchens as ours is looking a little 'tired' these days.

Think that's all for now.

Best wishes from Gloop Central.

Dave xx

Home After 10 'Interesting Days'

2010-02-05T11:52:00.003Z

Hi Everyone,

I'm home again now after 10 nights in the Elizabeth Ward at Bedford South Wing hospital. I know that Teresa has kept you updated but here's the status of things at present:

I can swallow but it hurts very much as it hits my stomach. I've got to be tube fed (through the nose) for the next two weeks. This means 15 hours a day attached to a pump being dripped 'gloop'. Can't taste it because it goes straight into my tummy. It looks like evaporated milk and supposedly the most nutritionally balance food on the planet! Yum!

The pain on swallowing appears to be from the radiotherapy burning and virus in my stomach. I'm on antiviral drugs which should work. They've also got the pain sorted with patches for the background pain and a pill for the sudden 'breakthrough' pain I experience in the evenings and early morning.

The ward experience was interesting. Shared my bay with a lot of older guys some of whom were suffering form dementia. It's sad really as these blokes were really confused, didn't know where they were, crying for their mums, screaming all night. Needless to say it was great to get back to the peace of the marital bed last night.

Unfortunately I had to go back this morning because no sooner had I set everything up last night for my feed than I was sick and out popped the tube! So, back to South Wing this morning for a new tube and quick x ray to ensure it was in the right place. Any how back home now watching dodgy day time TV and being fed at last!

Not quite sure what happens next but I obviously need to be able to eat and overcome (or at least control) the pain. I have another CT scan booked in February. The endoscopy last week showed the tumour to be at worst 'dormant' and at best shrinking!

Thanks to all those who visited me - it helped no end to see friendly faces. Thanks too to all the hard working NHS staff on the Elizabeth Ward - heroes and angels all.

Thanks for checking in on me; I'll keep you updated.

Love Dave xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Quick update

2010-02-02T11:26:00.002Z

Morning Folks

Quick update today...had the results of the biopsy yesterday which confirmed a virus and David was started on anitviral medication last night which he needs to be on for 48 hrs. They have also (finally!) sorted out his pain relief and he is on morphine patches which are doing the trick. They have also changed the feed to a more nutritious one so it should get his energy levels up.

He is feeling much better today and is hoping to be able to try something to eat tomorrow which is great news. They are going to re-assess him on Thursday with hopefully a view to letting him out maybe Friday if all is looking good (please pray that he gets out before the weekend!!!)

All good news and thanks again for all your support! Sorry it's a brief one today...when he gets out David has loads to share with you about his experiences in Elizabeth ward!

signing off...a madly busy Florence xx

Still in hospital

2010-01-31T09:56:00.002Z

Good morning all,

Well I was hoping it would be my hubby who would be blogging this morning but I'm afraid you're stuck with me again.

He is still in hospital and at the moment it looks like he will be in there until at least the end of next week. Just to let you know where we are at....

1/ The surgery on his bum was a great success and things are healing nicely which is good news.

2/ He is currently being fed gloop through a tube down his nose - it was a horrible experience for him getting it put in and it made him sick initially but things finally settled down and he is tolerating the feed and his weight has stabilised - so more good news.

3/ We are still awaiting the results of the biopsy on the infection in his stomach which is frustrating as the pain is getting worse and they won't treat it until they know exactly what is causing it. Dr Belusu and Eleanor came to see us on Friday and Dr Belusu said that due to the radiotherapy many of the cells in the top of his stomach were dead and the infection likes to breed on this 'dead' area. We are hoping to get the results on Monday and hopefully get some treatment going.

The bad news is that because the pain and the swallowing are worse he is unlikely to be able to come home until they can sort both of these out which will take a while...so I'm home alone at the moment and taking the opportunity to get up to all sorts of mischief (not -sadly!)

He is constantly tired as the ward is noisy at night and is finding the increased pain quite hard to deal with and although he is getting a lot of pain relief it often doesn't seem that effective to be honest. It is hard to see him looking so poorly but he's in the right place and we just need to keep him there until he's on the mend. He sends lots of hugs and thanks to everyone - it's wonderful to know you're all there praying for us and thinking of us - it's what's keeping me sane at the moment.

Take care -will blog again when we know more

Flo xx

News from the hospital bed!

2010-01-27T11:02:00.002Z

Hi folks

Me again - just heard from David re the results of the endoscopy. All good news! The tumour has responded well to the radio and chemotherapy and seems to have shrunk. There was no sign of any spread and no thickening of the oesophagus!!! Fantastic!!!

The pain is being caused by the radiotherapy burn and also he has picked up a bad infection in his throat and oesophagus. They are going to give him antibiotics and probably feed him through a tube for a couple of days to let everything heal.

Phew!! Thanks so much again for your thoughts and prayers.

Will get David to blog once he is home.

Love to all

A relieved Florence x

Florence Update

2010-01-27T07:35:00.006Z

Hi all - quick update for you!

Many thanks for all your kind comments on the last blog, my poor hubbie has been in a lot of pain and discomfort over the past couple of weeks and it has really got him down as you might imagine. This is the first time since the diagnosis that he has had any prolonged period of feeling unwell and not being able to eat, drink or poo without experiencing severe pain has not been a great deal of fun as you can imagine!

After a lovely day of thanksgiving and celebration on Sunday when we had the privilege of being asked to be godparents to Alfie and standing with Nick and Sarah at the christening of both Lucy and Alfie, David finally he gave in (I was about to kill him myself!!) and was submitted for observation on Monday at Bedford Hospital acute admissions. After various proddings and pokings etc. he was put on a drip and had surgery on his bum on Monday night.

I went to see him yesterday afternoon and although tired and rather doped up ( he is having morphine every 4 hours) he was able to get some food and drink down which was a very positive step. The surgery went well apparently (thanks to Mr Skipper who came in especially to perform it!) and although he has an enormous bruise which I'm sure makes you all wince ( it did me!) he seems to think that things are feeling a little better down below - time will tell I'm sure!!

Crunch day is today as he is having another endoscopy this morning to determine what is causing all the pain when he is swallowing. They will then decide if he needs any further surgery or treatment. I will give you an update once I know more but please pray that it is just damage from the radiotherapy and not anything more sinister.

Thanks again for all your prayers and phone calls and visits (David and Graham) and offers of help. I know it's a cliche but when you feel you have no strength left God steps in and carries you and that's where I feel we are (again!) at this moment. It's a very simple truth but very precious.

Florence xxx

Update

2010-01-23T10:46:00.003Z

Hi Guys,

Apologies is this is too much info but......

My health is really not too good at present. The Addenbrookes radiotherapy has left me with ZERO appetite and a very painful oesophagus. Eating and drinking hurts like mad and I'm loosing weight which is not ideal. Really don't went a stent but may have to soon. The polyps removed from my tail end earlier in the month were all benign - which is good news but the surgery was (and still is) painful. No gory details but you can imagine! May have to have another procedure this week to rectify a spasm that won't go away. Pure joy!

Feeling a little sorry for myself which is not my style so I'm going to pull myself together, rise to the occasion and either go shopping (always a tonic), build a fire and watch a movie, or perhaps both.

On the movie front I've seen two at the flicks recently 'The Road' and 'Avatar'. I can recommend both but the road is unremittingly depressing; quite the bleakest thing I've ever seen but brilliantly acted by Vigo Mortesen (Lord of The Rings). Avatar totally lives up to its press - see it in 3D.

Can't be too ill can I as I managed a night out with my mates night, poker (with matchsticks) at which I'm unbelievably crap. Quite clueless.

I'll probably regret blogging this but faith levels are low at present. God seems quite distant and getting to church is a battle and not much of a priority which perhaps it should be. Been 100% for God all my live but suddenly realised how many family days haven't happened because of churchy stuff. How many evenings in the past we haven't seen our kids because of one event or another. It's bizarre really but we are not really going much at present and not particularly missing it. Taking a spiritual sabbatical. No doubt I'll be inundated with comments (that will teach me to be so self disclosive) but please, keep it nice!

So guys; thanks for checking in.

Regards

David

Addenbrookes Update

2010-01-17T09:38:00.002Z

Hi everyone..

I spent last week in Addenbrookes hospital Cambridge have 5 consecutive sessions of radiotherapy on my oesophagus and upper stomach. Rather than traveling each day I stopped over there in a budget hotel on my own and then Teresa joined me and we booked into somewhere a bit posher! I can recommend the Felix Hotel in Cambridge.

I'm feeling OK, quite tired from the chemo tablets and I have absolutely no appetite at all. Seriously I make myself eat because I know I have to. I never feel hungry and more than a few mouthfuls leaves me feeling sick. If you are praying for me then a return of my normally healthy appetite would be a good place to start. Thanks.

Looking forward to welcoming my cousin Julia and her boyfriend David for lunch today and then a quiet week next week getting over the treatment. Might just have planned a night out with my mates next Friday (for medicinal purposes you understand). I have a scan booked again in early Feb to check that things haven't spread further.

Promise I'll keep blogging and letting you all know what's happening.

Love

Dave

Round #3

2010-01-09T10:42:00.002Z

Hi Troops,

Well back from France to frozen Britain, it wasn't balmy there but certainly warmer than here!

Chemo starated for the third time today for ten days and I've five days of radiotherapy @ Addenbrookes in Cambridge next week. Not really looking forward to it but, needs must.

For your prayers (good to pray specifically) let's ask the Almighty to use the treatment to halt the spread. Who knows I might even hear the glorious word 'remission' one day.

This is cheeky but if you are not great at the prayer thing I've written one for you!

Dear Lord,

The bible is full of stories of you healing people. You haven't changed. Heal Dave. Stop the spread of this nasty disease, use the treatment, his doctors and your power to put him right. AMEN

OK, thanks for checking in!

Dave

Christmas Eve In Our Village!

2010-01-02T09:48:00.000Z

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010!!!!

2010-01-01T17:11:00.001Z

Hi everyone and New Year Greetings from Brittany. Hope you have a great 2010 and all the happiness, peace and prosperity you can handle.

We’ve had a great Christmas and are enjoying our New Year break here, reserves are built up for round #3 of treatment in January. I’ll keep you briefed as to dates and how it’s going as the month progresses. The aim is to halt the spread into my stomach. They are holding further intravenous chemo in reserve to handle secondary spread as and when. It’s amazing to think that it was the presence of ‘specks’ of malignancy on my diaphragm and inside my body cavity that denied me the chance of surgery (only ‘human’ cure) in the first place. That spread was absolutely stopped in its tracks and, did not originally (and has not since) developed into anything nasty.

Health-wise I’m doing OK, swallowing happens (with some water) but I do feel sick sometimes. This is a very small price to pay for still being around. I’m very blessed. Diagnosed in 2007, given 9 months and still here in 2010. Brill – roll on 2011. Got loads planned for 2010 including decadent holidays with my lovely wife and family, mad breaks away with mates and lots of boating when the sun shines again. I utterly intend to live life to the full so brace yourselves for all the details!

I’ll blog next in a week or so after we are back from France and the treatment’s started.

God Bless

Dave xxxx

More Chemo & Radiotherapy In 2010

2009-12-23T15:08:00.003Z

Hi Guys,

Well had the full CT scan this morning and then a meeting with my oncologist and upper GI nurse. It would appear that things are pretty much as the endoscopy suggested yesterday. The tumour has spread from it's original site in the junction of the gullet into the top of my stomach. This growth combined with the radiotherapy damage (fibrosis) is causing the swallowing difficulties. Talking to Dr Bulusu it would appear that I've done very well to have no spread until now and he doesn't seem too concerned. I'm booked in for a course of radiotherapy at Addenbrookes and the start of Chemotherapy (Capacitemene tablets) after Christmas. This should help keep the little blighter in place.

The good news is that there is no sign of any secondary tumour which is a real relief, liver, lungs etc. are all clear. He's explained how the tumour and fibrosis affects the 'motility' of the oesophagus and stomach meaning that food doesn't go down as quickly as it might and my brain gets told by my belly 'I'm full'.

All in all, two years on things could be a lot worse, I respond well to chemo and it's been 18 months since the last treatment. I'm relying on your prayers and God's intervention.

Thanks for checking in.

Dave

Bad News I'm Afraid....

2009-12-23T06:53:00.004Z

Hi All,

I know, I know, I've not blogged for ages. I've been well and not had a lot to say. Unfortunately my swallowing has deteriorated recently and so tests (which were for once not scheduled) were swiftly arranged. Yesterday I had an endoscopy which showed (so I am told) the tumour spreading into my upper stomach and up my oesophagus from the lower junction where it was originally. This is the first really bad news for over 18 months.

I have a full CT scan and meeting with my hero oncologist today so will blog tonight with the latest news. I will keep blogging if I'm starting treatment again too.

Just to fill you in with other news, we had a great two weeks in Antigua early in the month - fantastic sunshine therapy and then back to the snow. Amy held the fort business wise whilst we were away and did a great job. She's in Aussie with James at the moment. We're off to the cottage in France with my Mum and Dad for the new year.

Congratulations to Anthea Burrell (my best mate's daughter) who has just given birth to a bouncing (9lb 7oz - ouch) baby boy called Cody. He's a fantastic little chap and I've already had lots of holds and cuddles and tackled an 'interesting' nappy! Not lost the knack!

Check in later for more news and if you have kept looking at my blog despite me not writing too much recently then thanks.

As always Teresa is working hard and looking out for me; thank-you my darling.

Have a great Christmas everyone.

Luv Dave xx

1 Year And No Treatment!

2009-11-16T21:29:00.003Z

Hi Everyone

Just a quick update from the Redfers. I'm doing OK; a few swallowing problems but nothing to worry about. My next appointment with the oncologist is in January and I'll post again then and let you know how it's going.

I'm not going to bore you all with the minutiae of my life; to be honest the more I told everyone the more some people felt empowered to comment on the vast number of holidays I take! I plan to take loads more too! Seriously, when I was in treatment it was great to keep everyone up to date with all the detail but now I'm so much better it seems a bit 'precious'.

It's been a year since my last chemo - a whole year and I'm still well; how cool is that?

Check in again in January 2010 for the latest update.

Have a great Christmas & new year everyone.

Best wishes

Dave xx

Slobber, slobber etc...

2009-10-16T18:05:00.002+01:00

Hi Troops,

Firstly thank-you for all your kind comments - you are all heroes!

Well just had a wisdom tooth out - actually just the exposed root from a previous 'bodged' extraction. Had to go to the Maxo-Oral-Facial unit at Bedford South Wing Hospital. It took a crow bar, extra shots of Novacane, 4 stitches and a dental surgeon with a strong wrist. Glad it's gone; it was painful exposed roots etc....

Teresa's birthday today, started with a champagne breakfast at a local hotel then had to go back to bed. Champagne with breakfast is to be recommended but, you need a sleep afterwards. Nothing dodgy just an overwhelming fatigue.. Happy Birthday Florence.

Signing off now for two weeks, off to France and the cottage for a nice half term holiday. I'll blog again when we get back.

Thanks for checking in again...

Luv Dave xxxxx

WOW!!!! Note The Changed Blog Title

2009-10-07T12:59:00.005+01:00

Dear Friends,

Just changed the blog title from 'Cancer Fight' to 'Cancer Survivor'. 18 months with no growth or spread. God, Florence (& my family), the NHS and my friends (WNL Church, Stamps, Hearns, and their Lordships Burrell & Forsell) are so good!

The tumour is not growing, not spreading in fact really behaving its evil self. The swallowing problems are caused by fibrosis from last year's radiotherapy, the worst I'll need is a stent if it gets any worse.

Not got another appointment now until 2010 and, wait for it, no scan beforehand. Might I actually be in the few % of sufferers who survive this disease? Starting to beleive it now.
Have to say I was VERY nervous before this scan. You have to prepare yourself for the worse because if you get bad news and haven't even thought you might where does that leave you? Sleepless night last night and actually felt sick this morning.

So thank-you for your prayers & your friendship.

God Bless

David

xxxxxxxxxx

Update (Again!)

2009-10-05T13:21:00.003+01:00

Mallorca was fantastic; great room, pool etc. superb weather and the kind of hotel with a watchtower and sniper in case of undesirables (and children) trying to muscle in! Seriously a brill weekend. Teresa was able to do a bit of business too whilst there. Loads of sun, swimming and tapas.

Here's the timescales for the next few day.

Tuesday: Off to the BUPA hospital early in the afternoon for a minor procedure. Bloomin chemo mucks up everything! Scan then at Bedford South wing at 5.00 pm.

Wednesday: 10.15 - See my hero oncologist for results which I promise I'll post straight away.

Friday 16th: Having my wisdom tooth out - no jokes please...

Pray for me - swallowing is not fantastic so it might be growing again - let's hope not.

Thanks for checking in

Dave xxxx

Quick Update

2009-09-29T22:38:00.003+01:00

Hiya All,

Had a fantastic weekend in France with my mates, brill weather, great company and lots of superb French meals. Thanks David & Adrian for being such wonderful mates and putting up with my inane ramblings!

I'm with Teresa at a business conference this week and then off for a weekend in Majorca which should be fun.

My scan is next Tuesday with results on Wednesday. I'm hoping for the best but my swallowing is not too good at the moment. We'll see and of course I'll blog straight away.

Thanks guys...

2009-09-19T22:44:00.000+01:00

Hi All,

Once more thanks for checking in on me; it’s great to know that you care! We are doing really well at the moment; business is brisk for Teresa and I’m well.

I had a great fishing trip two weeks ago on a rough channel off Newhaven. Needless to say I caught only one fish! Actually I was quite relieved having watched the others desperately trying to get hooks out of slimly thrashing half dead fish. The boat was pitching and rolling and a couple of our compatriots parted company with their early morning fry up. All good fun. Thank goodness for travel sickness pills. Actually is was a great day; loads of fun and a first for me.

Teresa picked up her new car today, a long awaited Merc convertible (SLK), goodness knows she deserves it; she works so hard. Must admit even a ‘none car lover’ me enjoys driving it!

Last Sunday the Wootton youth group (XLR8) lead the harvest service. I was so proud of them. They planned the whole service and even preached. Young people get such a bad press but these guys are heroes. We are sponsoring Bedfordshire Young Person Of The Year (YOPEY) and this week I’ve lead two assemblies in local schools promoting the whole event. It culminates with a big award ceremony at Woburn Abbey in November with the Duke of Bedford. The whole idea is that young people who are excellent role models are revealed, recognised and rewarded.

I’m at Cliff this week for a MPhil tutorial and then to France on Thursday for a long weekend with my good mates David and Adrian who I went to Spain with earlier in the year. The week after we have a master’s conference followed by a few days Majorca visiting a friend and new franchisee. It’s all go!

I’ve stopped preaching on a Sunday but I am running a 7 week bible study at WNL on ‘A People Called Methodists’ and we’ve just started Youth Alpha with XLR8. So all in all I’m keeping busy.

Health’s OK, next scan is soon and I meet with the oncologist next on October 9th.

Well, think that’s about it for now,

Luv Dave

Brittany Pics

2009-09-02T19:28:00.006+01:00

Me and Amy....

Amy & James

The Redfern Clan

My Grandfather's war Grave near Caen

Loubie......

My girls

My Florence....

The studly son....

Great Weekend

2009-09-02T19:01:00.005+01:00

Hi all; had a fantastic (albeit) hectic weekend. We headed off to Derby on Saturday morning to drop the kids off at my mum and dad's before heading up to John & Amanda's hotel 'The Bear' near Belper in Derbyshire. At 4.00 they renewed their wedding vows in a lovely ceremony and then we had a great black tie evening 'do'. There was a brilliant comedian and musician followed by a hog roast and fantastic live band; we danced the night away. Found a great silver dickie bow to complement the dinner jacket and tie in the anniversary theme.

In the morning we headed down to Ambergate to visit my auntie and uncle who have a new camper van which we had a good explore of, then back to Derby for a lunch and a snooze in mum and dad's conservatory.

On Monday Teresa's mum and sisters Debs and Linsay joined us. We have lunch at the Bell (pub opposite our house) and then had a sunny afternoon on the boat. It was great to see them - we had a laugh and a drink or two.

I Met with Graham (our minister) yesterday afternoon to talk through the preaching issue. Feel relieved to have laid it down for now - I was getting increasingly stressed by it and to be honest running out of things to say! If I'm still clear next year I'll pick it up again. Graham was really gracious; all my appointments on this plan have been covered - I'm told not to worry!

Really looking forward to a mad sea fishing trip to Newhaven on Sunday with my mad mate David B and 'the boys'. Really don't 'do' fish so if you want any fresh fish on Monday just let me know!

Next scan is Oct 2nd with the results a week later - hope it will be OK. Should be!

Thanks for checking in.

Love

Dave

Back Home

2009-08-28T21:25:00.003+01:00

Hi All,

Back home after a great month at our cottage in France; unbelievably we only had two days rain in over a month - surely a Brittany record? Amy and her husband were with us for the first week, then we had some time on our own followed by a week with my brother and his kids. All of it was brill - we also manage to re-furbish the bathroom and track down (no mean feat) a French carpet fitter for the bedrooms. Really looking forward to our next family holiday there in October and a mad weekend with my mates David & Adrian scheduled for later in September.

My health has been really good, no swallowing problems, no pain and no Swine Flu! Had my precautionary Tamiflu with me though. Seen the consultant at the BUPA hospital this week regarding a few post chemo side effects - all sorted now.

Made the decision in the last few days to lay down my preaching for a while. Started when I was 14 and never had a sabbatical so time for a break. Feeling a bit 'dry' spiritually at the moment - happy but 'dry'. Starting a 6 week teaching programme mid-week at WNL soon which I'm looking forward to preparing and delivering; it's the Sunday stuff I'm letting go for a while. Actually life is great in general, being a 'house husband' is fun - Chloe does the ironing though. I've spent this week doing DIY and gardening. Also had a great 'bloke's night out' on Wednesday in Market Harborough. Teresa has been grafting away at a Summer School which started the day after we got back, actually 11 hours after we got back. Hero woman!

Tomorrow Teresa and I are off to Derbyshire for our great friends John & Amanda Stamp's Silver wedding 'do'. Congratulations guys! They have always been there for us and we are so happy and privileged to be joining them on their special day.

Well, thanks for checking in after such a long break.

God Bless

Dave xx

HIYA!

2009-07-19T23:08:00.003+01:00

Hi All,

Had a great time in Malaga with my mates; the sun shone, the pool was warm and the beer cold - perfect. Thanks to David And Adrian for inviting me and sharing their fantastic villa and apartment with us all. Did some painting whilst I was there; here's a pic of me next to a wall I whitewashed!

I was only going for four days but phoned my patient and long-suffering wife who gave me an extension for another two days - thanks darling. The villa was in a spectacular spot about 30 miles inland for Malaga - amazing mountains and hair raising roads. The weather was perfect; a steady 30C all the time with a nice breeze.

Since getting back things have been mad! I've been decorating (front-room) and helping Teresa prepare for a Kip McGrath induction course for new franchisees. We've just run this over the past three days (Fri - Sun) and so are ready to take tomorrow off.

Took the kids to see the latest Harry Potter tonight - the dullest film I have EVER seen - yawn...

Health-wise I've been great. What I was told was permanent damage to my pancreas from radiotherapy seems to have righted itself and I'm not needing to take the Creon Enzymes anymore. Thank-you Lord! Swallowing is fine and my appetite not too bad, my weight as settled at a healthy 12 stone. Got an appointment with a private surgeon on Tuesday evening re a small side effect of the chemo (no detail - too shy) but other than that I'm 100% well.

At this stage I am in month 19 having been given an average life expectancy of 9 months originally. Few people make it this far without surgery which of course I can't have (too late at diagnosis sadly). I am so grateful to the NHS, Macmillan Care, My church, friends and mega-wife the fantastic Teresa for all their support. Also to my mate David B for being such a great listener and wise counsellor. You are all heroes.

I've decided not to blog again now until the end of August; off to France in a few days for a month and the Internet connection is not too good. Check in with me again over the bank-holiday weekend.

Thanks guys

David

Lots To Tell You!

2009-06-28T21:41:00.000+01:00

Hello faithful blog readers; got loads to tell you so brace yourselves for a monster blog today.

Firstly I got the results back of the blood tests and everything is fine, no diabetes which is really encouraging – seems as though the radiotherapy only damaged the ability of my pancreas to produce digestive enzymes not insulin. All other results were quite normal (they screened for everything); they could even tell I’d had a drink or two the day before on father’s day! My private medical insurance company have agreed to pick up the tab on some minor surgery I need to clear up yet another chemo/radiotherapy side effect so I’ll be off to their nearest hospital in Bury St Edmunds for a few days soon.

It was my birthday yesterday (27th 44 years old) and Teresa and I had a great couple of days on the boat on Thursday and Friday. Yep, after the previous week’s near sinking it was a bordering on a miracle that we took it anywhere but it was successfully craned out, pumped out, dried out and cleaned out (along with my wallet). We set off on Thursday heading up the river (towards the sea) to Buckden Marina. As the crow flies it’s only 15 miles or so but takes 10 hours on the gloriously winding River Great Ouse. We tackled 8 locks (each way) from the tiny ‘Roxton’ to the monster, scary and very deep ‘Castle Mill’. We moored at Buckden and then walked into the village for a night at ‘The Lion’ a 14th Century pub. The weather had been glorious all day, really hot and by the time we reached the hotel we were very tired – needless to say that despite the four-poster bed we were fast asleep by 9.15! Friday’s trip back to Bedford was far more eventful. There’s nothing like cruising through locks in torrential thunder storms. At least the rain was warm!

On Saturday Teresa was working so I headed down to the marina with the kids and spent a great day ‘pottering’. Now ‘pottering’ is code for cleaning, polishing and generally nerding around. Whilst I was ‘pottering’ the kids were being introduced to the delights of fishing by the kids on the next door boat. Carys actually caught four – quite the angler. Needless to say I bought them a ‘starter’ rod today. Must confess to being a little squeamish about the maggots. They stink. And wriggle. Yuck.

Today saw me in action on the church front twice. Most of the WNL congregation headed of to Boston to lead a ‘Wootton On Tour’ service. Those of us who were left celebrated the Lord’s Supper (communion) @ 9.00. Because all of our musicians were in Boston my limited guitar playing skills were called on to play. Straight after the 9.00 service I was preaching at Kempston East. The passage for this Sunday was Acts 12 where Peter is set free from prison by God; great passage and I really enjoyed preaching.

This afternoon we met James & Amy at the boat and had a great picnic on the Bedford Embankment. It was all fabulously English, picnic on a checked blanket, brass band, even a shower of rain; perfect!

This week sees me finishing off the decorating before heading off with Teresa (to carry the bags) on a business trip to Northern Ireland on Thursday. I’m looking forward to my bloke’s trip to Spain the following week.

Think that’s about all for now – have a great week.

God Bless

Dave

GREAT DAY (BUT WET FEET!)

2009-06-19T10:37:00.005+01:00

Had a great appointment with the oncologist yesterday. I'm in the 5% that make it with this cancer to the 18 months point - BRILL! And (the most amazing thing) my next appointment is not until the 2nd October! The whole summer with no appointments, no treatment and HAIR! What could be better? Also when Teresa asked him if we could book our 25th wedding anniversary cruise for April 2011 he said 'go for it'!

What a mad journey. I give thanks to God for all His healing, to the NHS for all their care, to my friends for their support and of course to my wonderful wife and family for holding the bucket during chemo, mopping my brow as yet another camera was inserted down my throat, up my bum and even (yes) up my nose. Thanks guys.

On a realistic front the battle now is to ensure through healthy living, prayer, positive attitude and LOTS of holidays with family and friends (roll on Malaga) we keep what is still a malignant tumour in my oesophagus and not see it spreading elsewhere. I have been promised a CT scan and endoscopy whenever I feel like I need one so I need to keep myself alert for any changes, aches and pains.

WARNING: I hope to live very well and hopelessly expensively so the blog from this point onwards might not be for the fainthearted. Having a run in with the grim reaper is a great wake up call to enjoy yourself. Spent too many years with a big dollop of Protestant Evangelical guilt (yuck what a waste of energy) and that driven work ethic. No more. If you are our friends be prepared to be exhausted by partying!

The reference to 'damp' in the title of today's blog is I reference to the near sinking of my boat yesterday. We arrived at the marina to find a foot of dirty water in the cabin and all our boaty possessions floating and covered in slime. Got soaked feet paddling around rescuing things. My pride and joy looked VERY sad. Oh well, only a 'thing'. The great guys at the marina who were about to go home pumped it out and craned it onto the bank where the leak is being tracked down. Hopefully she'll be 'bunged up' cleaned out and afloat by Sunday - Father's Day.

Happy Birthday to Amy (my eldest) who is 21 today; have a great day. Also Chloe who is 23 today and gone off to Alton Towers with the Goodsons from church. Have a great day both of you we love you both very much.

Well think that's about all for now - I'll carry on blogging as you seem to want me too. Also, it sort of matters that the stories with happier endings are on the blog too. Too many blogs end with a final entry by a partner or friend that starts... 'Fred lost his courageous fight...', I know other cancer patients read this so I'll keep going. If you are facing the cancer fight too then some advice:

Stay positive and dump the negative friends ASAP (mentioning no names!)
Spend time with positive friends and if you haven't got any find some ASAP
Pray and if you don't; start ASAP,
Stop working if you can afford to (realise not all can)
Book some holidays!

See you guys

Luv ya

David
xxxxx

Still Good News....

2009-06-15T19:20:00.002+01:00

Hi All,

Heard from the hospital today that although I've still got a malignant tumour it is not growing or spreading. The scan was no different to the last one. This is great news and is as good as it gets at this stage. I'm chuffed! Bloomin marvelous!

We had a great weekend in London, the Kip McGrath conference was really positive with loads of new announcements and products and we've come back all fired up. Fallen in love with Selfridges - especially the awesome pant department, can't beat those Calvins. Could have spent a fortune!!

Thanks to all those who have commented and encouraged me to keep blogging. I will; it sort of helps me. If you don't like it, don't read it!

Teresa is off to Wales for a few days and I'm at Cliff on Wednesday, need to catch up on my dissertation - seriously. Stopping over though probably won't get much sleep.

Once more thanks to all those who folow the blog, thanks to all @ WNL, family and friends especially Nick & Sarah and David B.

See ya soon

David

Sorry!

2009-06-09T12:39:00.001+01:00

Sorry I haven't blogged for so long. Had a bit of a blogging crises of confidence. I’ve had a few negative comments about the style/content and have started feeling it was all getting a bit dull.

I have a full body CT scan on Thursday; if it’s clear (hope so) then I’ll almost certainly stop blogging. If it is negative then I’ll keep going to make sure everyone knows what’s happening. Getting the balance of my meds right is proving a little tricky, but when I get it right I’m really well at the moment. Swallowing is OK, digestion improved, no aches and pains. All good stuff.

On the news front we had a great holiday in France with fantastic weather. We did all the normal stuff and had some great afternoons on the beach. We’re back in August with Amy & James and my brother and his family. We headed back in time to lead the Pentecost service at Wootton New Life we then had a great evening on the boat. Since then I’ve demonstrated my appalling boating skills to my mate David who took his life in his hands on a boat trip with me at the helm. Had a great time introducing him to the delights of slimy locks, wet ropes and freezing in June.

Teresa and I are off to the annual Kip McGrath conference in London this weekend. We’re stopping in Central London so should have a few retail opportunities. The deal to buy the East Midlands Kip McGrath master franchise has now gone through (finally). Teresa is working so hard; I’m very proud of her. It’s not always easy with me not fully ‘in harness’. Amy working for us full time is really going well; she’s a hero!

In early July I’m off to Spain with some mates for a ‘blokey’ week in Malaga – should be fun. Never done anything quite like that before – feel quite gown-up but hope it will be a totally chilled immature week. He, he..

So guys thanks for checking up on me again. I’m doing well and prayerfully hopeful about Thursday’s scan.

See ya
David

2009-05-25T10:42:00.002+01:00

Hi All,

Well in France now, we arrived on Saturday after a quick tour of Kip McGrath’s South West centres in Taunton, Exeter & Truro on Thursday & Friday.

Finally managed to get our French internet connection sorted after months of hassle; only ‘dial-up’ but at least I can blog now.

We’ve had great weather since we arrived, warm and sunny and been onto the beach twice – even managed a paddle though it was cold! Today is a bit greyer so it’s a ‘stop in and do jobs’ day; the forecast for tomorrow is good again so I think we’ll head down the coast to Carnac.

Health is OK. Managed to get the Creon dose right at last. Creon is the enzyme pill I have to take for the pancreas problem. I think it comes from pigs, oink, oink. Too higher dose leaves you with cramps, too lower dose with the runs. It’s trial and error but I think we are about right now. We are being VERY good, healthy eating and exercise and actually managed to get below 12 stone for the first time in years loosing the two stone of chemo (steroids) weight that piled on last year. Got to stay pos and feeling good about life! Sorry if I ever come accross as too smug!

It’s great to spend some time as a family; every time we come we are reminded of why we love Brittany so much and it is not just the wine (honest).

Thanks for checking in on us again.

See ya

David

Argh BT!!!!***

2009-05-18T10:12:00.004+01:00

Been off-line, BT letting us down again - finally got it sorted!

Well had a great few days went up to Grantham & Lincoln and Grantham at the end of last week with Teresa on Kip business - I resisted the temptation to view the Margaret Thatcher memorial birth place museum - tempted but resisted; opted for stabbing a compass repeatedly into my leg instead as it struck me as more fun! Had a night in a nice hotel full of people having a week's holiday in Grantham (party animals) even the hotel's staff seemed bemused as to why??

On Saturday my mate David came over for the day, met Teresa and the children, walked the dog, had lunch, mucked about on the boat on the boat for a bit, had a laugh. In the evening the highlight of televisual year 'Eurovision Song Contest' I love it! What a FANTASTIC show, we even managed to come in the top 5 (albeit 5th). Moscow did a great job.

On Sunday morning I was preaching at our Clophill congregation, had a great time - this is a lovely welcoming church that is begining to see growth and renewal - it was a joy to lead them in worship.

In the afternoon we nipped to Next (as you do) and, having finally shed all that chemo induced weight I bought a new pair of 32" jeans - WOW. Mr Slinky pants returns. Seriously the medication leaves you bloated and fat and feeling better about myself is great. Keep positive = keep well. On that front I'm feeling fantastic at the moment, got a real bounce in my step. On Saturday went for a run around the country park and last night managed a bike ride with David B which has left me with stiff legs and an aching bum.

We are off to France on Friday, but going down the day before to do a few centre visits for Kip in South West first.

Well think that's about all for now... see ya troops

David

x

Fully Rested

2009-05-13T09:54:00.003+01:00

Hi Troops

Just got back from retreat, had a FANTASTIC two days in the countryside around beautiful Launde Abbey. It's a wonderful place, very peaceful and relaxing. Spent the two days walking, talking (always a favourite of mine) and exploring how I feel about everything at this stage of the 'fight'. To be honest it doesn't feel much like a fight at the moment but may do as and when treatment starts again. Let's hope it never will.

I have actually returned feeling very content, very peaceful, very cared for by God, family and friends. I suppose that's what retreat is all about. Having retreated I'm ready to advance.

What have I learned?

That I am loved and how much I owe to those who love me.
That I've just got to live for the moment.
That life (even when it seem tough) can be full of wonderful moments.
That I feeling well, happy and content and so I have the resources for any future treatment.
That in the words of the song 'whatever will be will be'. This is not fatalistic, it is realistic. God's in control after all.
That I am created in God's image by him and he loves me the way I am.
On a lighter note that my new aftershave smells fantastic!

Thanks to those I spent time with around Launde and especially Ashley despite the scratched nose!

Health is good at present the 'Creon' seems to have solved the pancreas problem, swallowing is fine, next scan is due in three weeks. Keep praying the nasty stuff stays dormant.

Thanks for checking in on me again.

Luv

David x

Hope Springs Eternal

2009-05-08T17:40:00.004+01:00

Well on Tuesday night (at the XLR8 youth group I help lead at church) we did a bible study on 'hope'. It's great to have 'hope' and life becomes hard work with it. There have only been a few moments during the past 18 months when I felt that hope had abandoned me and mainly whilst in a post chemo haze. Feel full of hope now, positive and looking forward to the summer. Got a real spring in my step and I'm looking forward to my retreat next week.

Over the past few days I've just been pottering in the garden and doing a few bits for Teresa at Kip. Last night we had a great evening last night on the boat with Amy & James and I cooked on a one burner gas stove. It was a cool night but with the heater on, some candles lit and a few G&Ts down our necks we were very cosy. Teresa and I spent the night at the marina and didn't wake up until the amazingly late hour (for us) of 9.30! What a pair of lazy slugabeds! Needless to say Teresa has worked all day despite it being her day off; she works so hard.

My garden resembles Kew and I'll try and post a few pics tomorrow, I love gardening and Chloe says that she can hear me humming the whole time I'm out there. It's VERY therapeutic.

Meeting a old work colleague at our Kip centre tomorrow who is in the process of setting her own centre up and then on Sunday we have our 'Sunday Supplement' church breakfast together followed by our 'All Age Service' - always a great morning. Hoping to boat on Sunday afternoon and then I'm off to rural Leicestershire on retreat for a few days. Probably won't blog whilst I'm away but will when I come back.

Have a great weekend.

God Bless

David

Great News: No Treatment For Now!

2009-05-05T16:05:00.004+01:00

Hi All,

Great news; no treatment for now; BRILL! My oncologist feels that although the tumour is still there it is behaving itself and not growing so they'll leave it be - might only be a few thousand cells in actuality. Great news - really wasn't looking forward to more chemo and radiotherapy.

My digestive problems they feel are almost certainly down to a scar damaged oesophagus from the radiotherapy.They also think that there might be some permanent damage to my pancreas from the radiotherapy too. They've put me on yet another drug this time called 'Creon' which gives you the enzymes your mucked up pancreas can't.

Can't beleive I am this stage with no treatment and hardly any cancer. Seems as though God does answer prayer if we ever doubted it.

Thanks for checking in (again)

David
xx

Great Weekend

2009-05-04T20:29:00.003+01:00

Hi Bloggettes,

Just had a great weekend (most of it spent afloat) so by definition it was great. On Friday Teresa travelled up to Cliff college with me for my tutorial, it took ages to get there through the mad bank holiday traffic!

After Teresa finished work on Saturday we spent the afternoon on the boat catching some rays. Chloe took Carys and James to Wickstead Park (nr Kettering) and in the evening we had a great BBQ - the first of the season with Amy & James F.

On Sunday Teresa and I bunked off church and took the boat down through three locks on the River Great Ouse to Great Barford. The weather was fabulous, the river quiet and we got a good spot right outside the Anchor pub where we had a great evening meal. Had a cosy night in the boat watching the DVD 'Australia'. Got a good night and awoke to tea and bacon butties. James, Carys, James F and Amy joined us at about 9.30 for the journey back. Sadly the weather was not so good on the journey home. It rained, well, it is a bank holiday. Arrived back at our home marina complete with the obligatory grazes, bumps, sun burnt face and green slime marks from the locks. PERFECT.

Got a three day retreat booked next week at Launde Abbey, actually Launde is full but I'm going to stop in a nearby hotel or pub and travel in as a day guest. Looking forward to some 'me' time, got a few things to work through, some issues to explore, some books to read.

I've got my oncologist' appointment at 11.30 tomorrow and should get my treatment schedule then. Not quite sure what will start when at this stage but I'll let you know tomorrow.Health remains OK - can't handle big meals or watching others eat once I finished but apart from that I'm in really good 'fettle'.

Best wishes to blogging friends Geoff (on Pilgrimage to the Holy Land) and David (off to Spain) - any room in your suitcases guys if I promise to behave?

Thanks for checking in again.

Have great week.

David

Update On a Mad Life

2009-04-29T21:06:00.003+01:00

Hi guys; thanks for checking in.....

Thursday 23rd

I went on a jolly with Teresa to Bath on Thursday. We stopped in a great hotel in Bradford on Avon which is a really pretty village, a real tourist trap - can't believe we'd never been before.

Friday 24th

Teresa ran a regional meeting for Kip McGrath South West on Friday whilst I did a bit of sightseeing. Meanwhile (back in Bedford) the boat FINALLY got its newly painted bum back in the river.

Saturday 25th

Carys and I spent the morning cleaning the boat, we started off with soap and water, tried cif and ended up with neat bleach. She looked as good as new by the time we finished. We all headed off on our first cruise of the season in the afternoon.

Sunday 26th

Church in the morning and then lunch on the boat. We had another afternoon on the river and then a great evening with Nick & Sarah Hearn who had put together a great feast! Also they had bought me my own personalised bottle of Bell's. Now that's a gift!

Monday 27th

We spent a wet Monday training some colleagues from Kip McGrath.

Tuesday 28th

My hard-working wonder wife headed off to Wales this morning for some Kip centre meetings and I had to suffer guess where? Yep, on the boat! I did break off momentarily to help take the church youth group to Milton Keynes ten-pin-bowling. Spent the night at the boat which was cosy despite being woken up by a noisy and persistent goose at about 3.00 a.m.

Wednesday 29th

The river looked fantastic this morning, the sky was blue, the sun shone all was well with the world. I hit the office with Amy for a few hours before lunch in Milton Keynes with my mate David - nothing better than putting the world to rights! I took Carys swimming this evening before cooking dinner ready for Teresa's return.

Health

Great health-wise at the moment, swallowing is fine, no aches and pains. I have an appointment regarding the next course of treatment on Tuesday at the Bedford Primrose Unit. bring it on!

You guys are brilliant friends. Thanks for your prayers and care.

David

Derbyshire

2009-04-22T18:52:00.002+01:00

Well, here I am in sunny Derbyshire at Cliff College for the day to change those well overdue library books and add another few thousand words to the dissertation. It's fantastic up here today, warm and sunny. Glad to be retired!

Yesterday I met up with my friend David for a leisurely lunch before running the church youth group in the evening. Tomorrow I'm going with Teresa to Bath where she has a regional meeting for Kip McGrath on Friday morning. As you can see I'm taking it really easy. Not.

Really frustrated that my old tug of a boat is STILL ON THE BANK! A boat was once described as 'a hole in the river you throw five pond notes into'. (Ponies are fed £5 notes Sian) Sun is shining, gin is cooling. Recent boat/drinking legislation which was to outlaw the practice of boozing and cruising applies to all boats 22'+. Mine is 21'6'' - Alleluia. It's only allowed to go 4MPH and the river is about 3 foot deep. Even the dog has her own life jacket. Floating gin palace in actuality but still on blocks. Time to shout (plead really) at the staff at Priory Marina.

Not a very good Methodist am I?

Oh well.

See ya

Dave

Weekend Stuff

2009-04-20T21:48:00.005+01:00

Had a fun few days after Friday's good scan news.

On Friday after the hospital we shot up to St Ives (that's Cambs. not Cornwall) to the marina we bought our boat from last June. The previous owner had dropped some bits off that were in his garage which it has taken us a year to collect. The marina owners have been tripping over the stuff for 12 months. Boat really should be back in the water by the weekend after vast expense coughed up for an engine re-furb! The re-furb was nothing to do with me inadvertently putting 5 litres of water in the petrol tank last year or that the 4.3 litre inboard is built for water-skiing and we are only allowed to idle away at 4mph on the Great Ouse.

In the evening we took the kids to the pictures to see 'Race To Witch Mountain'. Good film - recommend it if you have kids.

On Saturday I took Carys to Rookery Farm at Stoke Bruerne, met up with my friend (another David) who was there with his daughters and cute granddaughter. Carys loved the animals, baby goats were wonderful. Much less hassle than a pony Sian.

On Sunday we had the day at Alton Towers which was brill. Did all the white knuckle rides Oblivion, Nemesis, Rita etc.. lovely weather which is just as well as we got soaked on the log flume and rapids. Afterwards mum and dad hosted a big family get together at their place where we all ate a fantastic tea (thanks mum!), drank my dad's scotch and put the world to rights. We also indulged in the obligatory boring of all disinterested parties by making them suffer our holiday photos; which everyone graciously endured. Camel, desert, beach, yawn etc.. We headed home this morning and have pottered about since on Kip stuff.

Think that just about sums up all that's been happening. Healthwise I'm feeling well, swallowing is great, feeling positive, going to be in that % that make it and continue to prove the stats wrong.

As always thanks for checking in; keep praying.

Luv

David

More Thoughts...

2009-04-17T19:38:00.002+01:00

Actually thinking a little more about the great results and appointment earlier. Dr Bulusu (my oncologist) actually played down the endoscopies that had shown no evidence of malignancy last year. We thought that the previous results were good news and therefore the more recent negative endoscopy result was bad. He suggested that the difference between a neg and pos result can just be as simple as where the biopsy is taken or how deep they 'dig' for the sample. What he was saying is that the tumour hasn't 'come back' it never actually 'went away'. The amazing thing remains how it hasn't spread to anywhere else. I'm 18 months in and feeling great. They are really pleased with me. I'm going to be in 5% who make it you just see!

I'm retired now really - just pottering around a little bit with Teresa & Amy at Kip McGrath; aiming to keep the stress down and aid ongoing recovery. Keep praying guys!

David

CT Scan Results - Good

2009-04-17T11:33:00.002+01:00

Hi All

Just got back from the hospital after the CT scan and results. Good news is that nothing has spread; it's still cancer and remains (and always will be) inoperable but none of the little areas of malignancy they found elsewhere in last year's tests have grown. Treatment will start again in two weeks, more chemo and radiotherapy to keep it in my oesophagus. It can't get better than this at this stage really so, all in all a good day!

I may be going for tracheal radiotherapy where the isotopes are delivered down the throat rather than from the outside. My oncologist is waiting to see some of the latest stats regarding this. He is concerned that I could end up a stricture (closure of the gullet). This would probably be in Southampton or Birmingham as it is not offered locally yet.

So off to enjoy the next couple of weeks before treatment starts again!

Thanks for checking in.

Dave

The Desert!

2009-04-11T20:16:00.008+01:00

Hi Guys!

Just wanted to post a blog tonight (give Sir Redfern a break) Today we spent a few hours at a really nice beach and Spa hotel. I have no idea what the name of it was but I can gurentee you it sure was a luxurious one. Despite putting on factor 50 three times today I still managed to burn! The sun beams down and today I believe it was 36oC. Hot stuff.

Anyway...after we had enough of that we went back to the hotel to ready ourselves for our Sand-Dune Safari evening! WOW! Nothing can quite sum up that experience. It was just so fantastic! We went in these 4x4, that took you off into the Desert and they just put their foot down and you'd be thrown all over the car and as you can imagine it was a 4x4 it just flew over these massive dunes. At times it felt like some of the drops and climbs were vertical. Just SO scary but loved it!! I'm still buzzing.

After an hour we stopped off at one of the millions of sand dunes and watched the sun set. There were 70 4x4 cars. No matter how far you looked the desert seemed to go on and on for miles and miles! Fantastic scenery. Better than what you see in movies! We ate out there too in a camp like place? There were camel rides -us young ones went on. Carys and I are 'tattooed' and I had a smoke too! (haha) It was a great day and nothing can sum up this experience. Wow-wow wee wa!

Tomorrow we plan to have a quieter day, it's David and Teresa's 23rd Wedding Anniversary tomorrow so they've planned a night out at the docks. (joke) they're off on a cruise tomorrow night. Not sure if David mentioned the apartment? For those who watch MTV cribs? It's better than what you get on there! x's 100! Gosh life is hard isn't it at times eh?

Happy Easter everybody don't do anything we wont do!

Luv Chlo Chlo

Pictures!

The beach at the beach spa hotel

View from beach

The dare devils who took us on this Safari!

In the desert before we set off.

Wild Wadi Water Splash-a-rama Kids Haven

2009-04-11T04:58:00.005+01:00

Had a great day at Wild Wadi yesterday. Here's the famous Burj Al Arab hotel as seen from there...

Carys had a fight with a water shute. Ouch...

Great rides though and Carys is already looking less sore. She went straight back on the ride!

Dubai Marina - Where The Hotel Is!!

2009-04-11T04:54:00.003+01:00

We are based in Dubai Marina - very posh!

Our Hotel

2009-04-11T04:37:00.003+01:00

Not too handy with IT - sorry can't turn the pic round.. argh...

Dubai On The Way...

2009-04-11T04:20:00.004+01:00

Hi guys from mad Dubai; we arrived early on Thursday after an overnight flight from Heathrow. Me in the Heathrow business lounge....

Nearly there....

Not Long To Go....

2009-04-06T18:37:00.002+01:00

Well guys, had a busy old weekend; Amy and I handed out balloons in Bedford town centre to publicise Kip and then our great friends Nick and Sarah came round for a Chinese in the evening. It was an early start on Sunday as I hadn't finished prepping up the palm Sunday service and then Amy and James came and spent the evening with us.

Today with hit the shops in Milton Keynes for holiday shopping which was fun but very tiring! I'm not feeling too good at present, quite tired and dodgy tummy wise. On the hospital front my full scan is on Friday 17th with the results and consultation straight afterwards. We've got to hope it hasn't spread anywhere else; assuming it's still in my oesophagus the next course of treatment should start that same day.

We are really looking forward to Dubai; leaving here at about 4.00 pm on Thursday to go to Heathrow - we've saved our Emirates points up and are going business class but coming back economy. I'll try and blog my way through the trip!

God Bless everyone

Dave

The Little Blighter Is In My Lower Valve

2009-04-03T22:21:00.000+01:00

First Things First

2009-04-02T19:10:00.002+01:00

My Dear Blogettes....

Now Sian & Jackie. My one re-occurring nightmare (seriously) is where I own a horse that I keep forgetting about. I remember after 3/4weeks and go to the stable to find it thin, fly blown and covered in horsey poo. I clean it, feed it and then forget about it again for another three weeks when the whole nightmare occurs. Argh.... I love Carys but not enough to buy a horse. Why, when Sian has one we can 'borrow'???

Now onto things a lot less scary than horses: cancer. Had yet another meeting with the oncologist today. On the whole it went well. Here's the basic gist:

They are VERY surprised it's taken this long to come back, the fact it's come back now is actually surprisingly good news: it should have re-occurred long before now.
They are not sure if it is a new tumour or or old stuff that's grown, come to the surface and re-appeared.
There's lots they can do as I'm effectively back to where I was in January 2008.
I can have more radiotherapy (big surprise) including some new stuff they do from the inside as opposed to firing it at you from outside.
I have a fully body CT scan on April 17th. The issue is; has it spread or not? If it has then the radiotherapy won't happen. The most likely spread is to my liver. They have made me an appointment an hour after the scan on the 17th. for the results so no weeks of waiting this time!
Dr Bulusu (my oncologist) is going to try and get me some further treatments that are 'off piste' including some new anti body treatment. Some of these I might have to pay for.
There is no approved treatment for re-occurring esophageal cancer because until recently you just died from it. I'm going to be a Guinea Pig.
On the whole they were much more positive and upbeat then we'd anticipated. Brill!
Dave lives to fight another day!!
They checked out my abdomen as I've had the squits for weeks and they think it's just a bug.
I can go to Dubai!

And oh! My boat is going back into the water next week! Bottom has been scraped and anti-fowled and the engine totally refurbished at a nose bleeding level of expense. We are ready to cruise! And you know how I love to cruise! Wondering! If I can add any more exclamation marks to a blog!!!

By the way if you want to know what appeared on the Google search list when (worried about the strange colour of my squits) I typed 'orange faeces' in the search engine e mail me at peaktandd@aol.com and (assuming I consider you able to cope) I will email back and let you know! Christians be warned; it's VERY funny but well dodgy!!

This morning (and tomorrow too) I had the privilege of taking an assembly on the subject 'What's Easter All About' at a local senior school. Had a 'congregation' of 600!! They were brill; very well behaved and 100% attentive. Wish the average Methodist congregation was the same.

Well guys must sign off now and pour myself a scotch.

If you are breaking up for Easter this weekend have a good holiday. If you're off to Spring Harvest have a great time and all the best to my mate Geoff whose speaking there this year.

God Bless All!

Dave.

Thursday It Is!

2009-03-30T13:55:00.003+01:00

Hi All

Well my oncologist and Macmillan nurse are back from their travels today and I'm booked into see them on Thursday @ 4.00 p.m.. Seems like a million years away but I know that it's not really! Obviously I remain quite anxious - must keep busy! I have a Kip Seminar tonight, some training design to complete for Teresa tomorrow and a day at Cliff College on Wednesday so I'm sure time will fly.

Church was refreshing on Sunday - Teresa and I are leading and preaching next Sunday. We are celebrating Passover at XLR8 on Tuesday.

Only a week to go until Dubai - getting excited and certainly going regardless of when the chemo starts again.

Jackie - sorry to hear about your loss; our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Thanks as always for checking in on me and caring.

God Bless

Dave

Coming To Terms - It's A Notso Bad!

2009-03-27T09:23:00.003Z

Well my friends slowly coming to terms with the thought of facing the battle again. Some facts:

I was only given 9-12 months (on average) to live last January and here I am in month 15.
I have had a number of scans since where they could find nothing - Praise God!
I am feeling quite well, no pain, can still swallow and the miseries are lifting.
I am generally fit so in a good place to fight.
We are doing OK so don't have to worry about finances, jobs etc. (like so many do - bless em).
I have the support of a fantastic wife, great family and wonderful church at WNL.
The worse that can happen for a Christian is complete victory. Seriously death holds NO fear whatsoever. By the way I have no intention of croaking it just yet but of course I've thought about it. We sing a song at Church which goes like this... There's a place where the streets shine with the glory of the lamb, there's a way we can go there we can live beyond time... no more pain, so more suffering, no more sadness, no more tears, no more sin, no more sickness, no injustice no more death, because of YOU (meaning Jesus of course!).

So, as the song goes 'always look on the bright side of life' - off for a full Ulster Fry Up (breakfast) and certainly a pint or two of Guinness.

What out Derry; here we come!!

Luv

Dave

Tour De Eire!

2009-03-26T18:28:00.004Z

Well we landed in Cork on Tuesday, drove to Killarney on Wednesday and then up to Galway and today all the way from Galway to Londonderry. WOW; what fantastic scenery on the west cost; mountains, valleys and surf! We have driven through rain, hail, sleet and sun and enjoyed five rainbows along the way. The rainbow is a great reminder of a God who keeps His promises.

I'm beginning to get everything into perspective now - keen to get the chemo underway ASAP and keep the blighter in my oesophagus and nowhere else. It's not easy thinking about starting again but, life is worth fighting for. I'm not sure if it is psycological or not but I'm not feeling too good at present very 'tight' in the chest depratment. Got to see my oncologist on Monday if I have to wait all day!!

Thank-you to those who have posted comments (Sian, Jackie, Jane) and all those who would if they could work out how to!

We are heading back on Saturday after a regional meeting for Ulster.

Well guys.. thanks again. Trying to keep positive.

Luv

Dave

Oh !##!!!~ & BLAST....

2009-03-25T20:44:00.005Z

Thanks Amy for updating everyone earlier....

Yep guys, there's a new, fresh and horrible looking viscous little sod of a white speckled tumour in my oesophagus - at least I can see the little bugger (on the endoscopy pic) and so my visualisation techniques can be based on reality. They are not sure if it's totally new or an old 'patch' they missed before but whatever it is certainly growing (for the first time) and malignant. Not good. However, you know me Mr Positive Pants (actually fine new ridiculously expensive Calvin Klein pants) and 'better the devil you know'. At least there can be a focus to the fight now. We are, in reality back to square one. In essence we face battle # 2 and I'm up for the fight - bring it on your miserable bitch! OK, rant over - needs loads of prayer from my Christian brothers and sisters and any other incantations, positive energy and good vibes from those of other faiths and non. Please.

This is the first negative news since my healing in Stockholm last April which was nearly 12 months ago. Baring in mind the original prognosis of 9-12 months (on average) this is in actuality quite positive.

I knew it was back. Just read my last few blogs. Why? Well physical changes as my swallowing got worse and (as with the first time) psychological changes, yep I just got depressed - I suppose as body chemicals screwed up the balance in my brain. I am reassured that the Lord cares and is with me. I have no doubt about that! Not looking forward to more chemo; apart from anything else I had grown quite fond of my hair again. I will, of course take any treatment I'm offered no matter how ill it makes me feel (and trust me it does).

On a serious note (there are few things more serious than holidays) as we are in Dubai for Easter so our cottage in Brittany is available (for free apart from a clean and a lawn mow) for any regular blog reader we know. We might go for the final weekend of the Easter holidays but it is available for the week before Easter and the Easter weekend itself. We love to bless by letting people use 'Ty Carys' for free so just let us know. We can book you a ferry on our Property Owners card for a little bit less than it will cost you normally.

We arrived in Ireland on Tuesday flying into Cork and stopped there last night. We visited a Kip McGrath centre there this morning and then drove to Killarney for another visit. Then... on to Galway. Mad itinerary but fantastic countryside, good food and great service in the hotels. Tomorrow after a Galway visit we have to drive to Derry in Northern Ireland. We have centre visits in Derry on Friday and a regional meeting for Northern Ireland on Saturday before flying back.

Some mad things I want to do..... see a live performance of Handel's Messiah in London, dance till the early hours, create the perfect garden, spend a lot of time on Rachel Louise (my boat in case you were wondering) and go to the cottage in France a lot. Also really looking forward to Dubai; we go two weeks today.

OK guys. Think that's all. Keep praying and crossing any body part you've got (where that's possible).

Want to thank Sian, Chloe and Geoff H as well as Nick & Sarah, John & Amanda, everyone at WNL and my family for their ongoing support. Of course Teresa (AKA Florence) is my #1 supporter, nurse, companion and hero!

See you guys, God Bless - thanks for being there for me.

Luv

Dave

Bad News

2009-03-25T15:05:00.002Z

Hi Everyone.

Dad is away this week in Ireland with KipMcGrath so he's asked me to give a breif update.
Yesterday Mum and Dad went to have a consultation with the doctor after his endoscopy showed up some tissue that they took a biopsy of last week. Unfortunately it's bad news. The tissue is infact the tumor back again. It is Maligant which obviously is a bit if a blow and very disappointing.

Not sure yet about the treatment and where to go from here until they've had a few more appointments with the oncologist and nurse etc but its not looking good.

But as always my wonderful pops is very positive and is looking up and I know that he will just continue to be an amazing witness to everyone , not only of healing but of his strength and positivity.

Please continue to pray for us as I know you all do, especially to stay strong in the second round. Bring it on!

Dad will post tonight and go into more detail if he can.

Love to all
Amy

WARNING.... God at work....

2009-03-23T09:48:00.005Z

OK. God had felt a little distant recently. Not in a worrying way, just in a classic 'journey of faith way'. You know (or perhaps you don't), sometimes His presence is with you tangibly 24/7 sometimes you just feel as though He's around but busy on 'other business'. I know that this is theological nonsense, God is omnipresent (everywhere) and omnipotent (all powerful) so it's me that's moved away from God not the other way round. Any way God has been intervening in my life in wonderful gentle ways over the last couple of days. If you don't believe in an interventionist God you are quite simply wrong. Sorry but there we go. Wise up! Let me share....
I was preaching at a church in our Methodist Circuit on Sunday the church is nearly 100% Asian and always a pleasure to visit. The lead steward (elder) came to me after the service and with tears pouring down his face told me that he was convinced of my healing. Now this is is not an unusual thing to be told by well meaning charismatic Christians but his 'assurance' came with a prophecy or word of knowledge. He said I would survive so that I could finish what my Grandfather couldn't do. My Grandfather was a committed christian and planning to go to Cliff College (the bible college I attend) after the war. He was killed a few days after 'D' day and is buried in Normandy. I don't recall talking about this at this particular church. If I have then it was still a timely reminder of God's faithfulness throughout the generations.

Second bizarre experience was this morning. I ran out of some of my tablets and needed to go and get some more from the GP. As I was entering the surgery a couple of carers were bringing in a severely disabled lad (about 16) he was quite vocal and shouting. He beckoned me over to him and quite strangely placed his hand right over my oesophagus and looked me straight in the eyes. He carers apologised, I explain my health problems, they were freaked out. They said that he often 'knew' about these things. I felt strangely re-assured and peaceful.

I am nervous about tomorrow, very stressed in fact. I've sort of convinced myself that it's back. I want to lecture myself about faith and positive mental attitude but sort of feel a lack of both at the moment. Can't believe that it is as simple as that and feel the need to be honest at least though the blog. I'm looking forward to being proved wrong.

Jade's death is sobering. At diagnosis I would have been overjoyed to have the life expectancy they gave her; mine's never been 40%. Her struggle was so public. I suppose seeing a public figure, young with everything to live for loose their battle just makes you think. Eekkk...

I'll blog with the news tomorrow. We'll be in Ireland by then. I'll keep posting as we travel around the Emerald isle on Kip McGrath business.

Sorry if I've been a bit 'heavy'. Stick in there with me won't you?

Dave

Paranoid Android

2009-03-21T13:45:00.002Z

OK Guys

Tell me I'm paranoid! I phoned my Upper GI nurse on Friday to see if had results. She said not (I've no real reason to doubt her) but she has booked me in to see the Upper GI consultant on Tuesday at 11.00. Just feels ominous. She sounded 'down'. I'm worried. Normally she would give me results over the phone and to be fair both she and my oncologist are away next week but still??

Any hows - I'm being paranoid aren't I???

Dave

Sedation Snoooooooooze....

2009-03-19T16:16:00.002Z

Hi Guys

Well, the sedation worked this time and I slept soundly through the whole endoscope thing. They got the camera past my oesophagus and into my stomach which is a good sign. They did find a 'patch' which they weren't too happy with and have taken yet another biopsy. Hoping it is just radiation burn and nothing nastier. The waiting for results is a killer.

Went to Brighton yesterday on Kip business; it was packed. The beach was full of people and it was really warm - can it only be March? Off to Glasgow tomorrow to run a seminar. It's good to keep busy if you're waiting for news! If the news is bad I'm retiring - seriously I couldn't work through chemo. Hopefully all will be well. Might get the results tomorrow, if not it will be next week when I'm off to Ireland (Republic and North) with Teresa. Keep praying for me.

I'm leading the youth group (as a guest speaker) at Lidlington Church tonight; they are our sister church in the next village to Wootton. I'm preaching at Southend Methodist in Bedford on Sunday morning.

I'll post again as soon as I have news.

Dave

Thought For The Day

2009-03-16T09:55:00.005Z

My blogs are like buses. None for ages, then a glut! Any-how isn't spring just fantastic, can't tell you how wonderful it see my second since that bloody diagnosis. Here's to many more to come!

I've got a few business trips this week I'm in Brighton on Wednesday and Glasgow on Friday other than that things are quite quiet. Going to take the train to Brighton and the plane to Glasgow - international traveller me. Nervous about tomorrow's test but I'm sure it will be OK!

My blog entitled 'Getting There' where I ramble on in support of my wife made her very nervous. She was worried that those I was writing about would read it. Well, I name no names ,but if the cap fits ......

Got thinking about friends today and how grateful Teresa and I have been for the support of everyone at WNL, to Sarah & Nick and John & Amanda. Thanks for standing with us through the good moments and the tricky. John is especially faithful having encountered me at my worse made even worse by some booze. Not a moment I'm proud of! Who actually won the fight? You'll be pleased to know mate that I'm much more held together now. Honest. No really I am!! Real friends stick with you don't they! Thanks guys.

Well better get a bit of work done.

Luv

Dave xx

And I Think to Myself - What A Wonderful Day

2009-03-15T18:16:00.004Z

Bunked off church today! I confess the lure of the garden was simply too much. It now looks like Kew. Perfect. We had lunch at the Bell (pub opposite our house) and snoozed away the afternoon. Even managed to clean out the dreaded goldfish tank - my life is complete!!

Weather was impossibly lovely; really warm had a glass of wine on the deck.

I'll keep you updated on the Tuesday 'camera down the throat' job.

See ya

Dave

Getting There

2009-03-14T09:46:00.006Z

Hi All,

Feeling much better this week; positive brain chemicals have kicked in again (thank goodness!). I have the endoscopy on Tuesday afternoon - I always have the sedation because I'm a wuss. I'll let you know how it goes. Swallowing is unchanged - worse than it once was but better than it was it was originally! Keep praying; it works.

Teresa is running around the country like a mad-women; she works so hard......she cares passionately about what she does and suffers more than her fair share of narked people having a go. Not quite sure why they feel the need to take their frustrations out so negatively on her. It's not the frustrations that are the problem (they come with the territory) it's the manner in which are they are delivered. The sad thing is that she is 100% genuine in her desire to help others make a go of their business as we have ours. She really is a tough cookie. During the past year she has built the business, been promoted into a national role, been a great mum, organised a wonderful wedding and nursed a terminally ill husband. Nothing scares her or daunts her and I'm so proud of all she is and does!

Amy (our eldest daughter) is a real hero too (chip off her mum's block) and has helped us tremendously since she has been on our full-time staff. In fact all our staff are great - thanks to you for all your support and care.

Spring really is in the air isn't it? Had my hedges trimmed yesterday. Resisting the temptation to say that I had my bush trimmed as it's only just started growing again! Lawn gets it first mow today; the garden centre beckons. I'm not preaching this Sunday so we'll be a WNL as a family in the morning and then in the garden in the afternoon as the forecast is so good. Might even get Rachel Louise (my boat) back in the river soon - they are overhauling the engine as the moment and she's had her bottom scraped.

Well guys, once more thanks for checking up on me - it's great to know that so many people are thinking of us.

If anyone is at loose end this Sunday morning come and join us at Wootton - great Church; no one sings like Methodists! Directions at http://www.newlifechurchwootton.org.uk/.

Well guys signing off now.

Luv

Dave

Spring Has Sprung!

2009-03-06T16:44:00.002Z

WOW - the sun actually feels warm! Just taken Rosie (the dog) around the lake and it really feels like spring; at last!

Feeling quite 'strange' still, swallowing remains a bit 'sticky'. Trying to stay pos but it has not been a good week on that front to be honest. Cup seems to be half empty at the moment - not like me at all!

Not a lot more to report.

Luv

Dave

UPDATE

2009-03-03T10:09:00.002Z

Hi Troops,

Last week was a bit 'mad' - had a few Kip trips including Aylesbury, Dublin & Leeds. Also had a tutorial with my Cliff supervisor for the MPhil. Preached twice on Sunday too. In the morning the subject was Noah and in the evening (at the Refresh meeting) I spoke on building Church today (pet theme of mine). It is great to see Refresh growing, a few years ago we were getting a handful but now with our friends from Marston Vale Community Church and Liddlington we gather a really good number - great worship lead by Suzy and Dave at both services - thanks!

Feel a bit 'odd' at the moment. Swallowing is not good and I'm struggling (for once) to stay positive. I have an endoscopy booked but not until the 17th March although I am on the short-list for cancellations. My chest just feels strange - could be psychosomatic; could just be radiation damage, hopefully nothing worse! Of course I'll keep you in the loop.

In a bid to continue enjoying life we've booked a week in Dubai at Easter - love the place. It is hedonistic, shallow and tacky. Perfect for a holiday! Seriously need some sun and shopping therapy on a constant basis and Dubai is just the ticket - Carys and James are getting excited - we are going to 'swim with Dolphins', go on the sunset dune safari and visit all those enormous temples to decadence - the designer malls! Got to both diet a little before we go!!

Have a thanksgiving service to attend this afternoon for Alan Ponting, a friend from Church (and previous minister at WNL). He had been battling with a horrible, degenerative brain disease and passed away two weeks ago. He and his wife Pat were so brave. I had the privilege of leading a communion service with him at our Launde Abbey retreat weekend two years ago - he was a wonderful man - a real gracious saint; we shall miss him.

Please keep the prayers up and, if you not a prayer person I'll take all the positive vibes you can spare in my direction! Thank-you for checking in.

Luv

Dave

Brain Fry!!!!

2009-02-25T15:50:00.003Z

Oh my; so much to tell you!!!

Good meeting at the hospice - very helpful Dr Macnamara.

Firstly; I'm not normal. No laughing. No comments. No 'you're telling me' comments. In cancer terms I have an unusual cancer, at an unusual time of life, I have had an unusual course of treatment to which I responded unusually well. I told you I was unusual. There are no statistics for people like me.

Things we learnt today:

I am slap bang in the middle of the highest risk of recurrence. Most cancers that reoccur do so 3-6 months after treatment ends. I'm in month 3 - 'breath holding time'. Time to put my feet up!
If it does come back I'd be a gonner. They could not give me any more radiotherapy and the chemo would only be palliative; I'd only have a few months.
I am technically in remission. It was described as 'radiological remission'. This is the first time the 'r' word has been used. Nice; I like the 'r' word.
There is a slim chance I'm cured. Very slim. Like 1% slim but it is possible - just!
The longer I'll live the longer I'll live. Seriously, the longer I live the greater are the chances I'll live longer. Your life expectancy after 2 years is greater than after 1.

Think that's all for now! Mixed news but not all bad.

Luv

Dave

2.00 Today

2009-02-25T09:50:00.003Z

Hi Guys

Seeing the palliative care consultant at St John's Moggerhanger (yes; the village really is called Moggerhanger for all those non-Bedfordians). Who (in their right mind) would name an English village 'Moggerhanger'?? Someone with Bavarian inclinations? This is our local hospice. I'm nervous. I'll let you know how it goes. We should have a clearer picture about the way ahead after this afternoon.

Comments On My Blog: There are some twerps around aren't there!! I've decided to leave all the comments in place even the mad ones! Thanks for your responses to the comments.

Please pray for our daughter Amy - she's not well. Some kind of strange fatigue related ME sort of thing. She's had tests but nothing found so far.

Thanks Guys

Dave

Pancakes!!!

2009-02-24T10:10:00.005Z

Hi Everyone!

Pancake Day! How can we go from the depths of winter to daffodil filled Lent in two weeks?? Tonight at WNL we are having an all church pancake party - kicking off Lent in the way intended - a larder emptying, pancake soaked, binge.

Sorry if I sounded neg yesterday; I'm not - just trying to balance positivity with reality with faith! Not an easy three balls to juggle. Always seems to have two the air (at least) at any one time; on the good days it's all three! When I was first diagnosed I was on the Internet all the time. I read hundreds of sites. Clawed my way through statistics by the bucket load. In recent months I have been less keen to research 'Lap-top Land'; when you are feeling well you just tend to live for the moment. My problem is that initially I was told that people with what I've got on average live 9 - 12 months from diagnosis. I'm in month 15. Secondly hard to find any evidence of anyone making it beyond year five without surgery. Remember; I can't have (in fact wouldn't want) the surgery. Massive scars, broken sternum, oesophagus and most of your stomach removed - not nice and very debilitating to the quality of life. Glad it wasn't a decision I had to make. All this raises a question - how do you live when you know you may not have for ever? In fact when it appears at best you've got five years? Mmm - I suggest you live life to the full! It can't fail to effect the way you live though can it? Reevaluate your priorities; change you as a person.

Unfortunately people differ in their advice. Some example include:

Carry on as normal

Throw yourself in church/prayer/faith seek God for 100% healing

Work through the 'bucket-list' of things to do before you croak it - dangerous!!!

Move to France/Australia/Spain - somewhere hot - appeals but not going to happen

Take risks whilst you can (of a business nature)

Do a bit of all five above

I really need, (in fact Teresa and I) really need to decide what to do! All suggestions on a post-card please!! Seriously forget the postcards but you could ask the almighty for some direction for us!!

So guys - eat lots of pancakes; email me any you have spare.

Luv ya

Dave

xxxxx

Back Home (Again)

2009-02-23T09:29:00.002Z

Hi Everyone!

We are home after a great week in France. The weather was fantastic and escaping the snow a joy. Actually hit 14C one afternoon - Spring! We did all the normal things Pont Aven, Quimper, eating, shopping. Sadly someone felt the need to replace our scales at home with a pair showing us both half a stone heavier than we really are (or were before the hols)! Who would do such a thing??

Holidays are great times for decision making aren't they? We went to France thinking we might swap the cottage for somewhere warmer (Spain perhaps) but fell in love with it all over again and decided we were being daft! We love Brittany - rain and all!

We also got to be thinking about the future; had a few swallowing problems over the holiday (not surprising when your oncologist says that you oesophagus is 'fried') but it pulls you up short. Life can seem so normal sometimes that you forget the diagnosis and the long term prognosis. Both remain terrible though we remain positive. This would not normally be an issue but we are currently in the early stages of some business changes and expansion and suddenly had a panic! Eleanor Church (my upper GI nurse) has arranged a meeting for us with the local palliative care consultant. This is really a 'what happens next' meeting. Need to get down to the nitty-gritty, 'how long' conversations. The consultant in question is based at the local hospice which is a bit sobering but it's only a place. We plan to carry on with life but just need a clearer vision of what that means now. Nice problem to have though.

Think I'll be seeing her on Wednesday and of course I'll let you know how it goes.

Have a great week everyone!

God Bless

Dave

Hi Guys

2009-02-12T22:58:00.002Z

Sorry - so long since I blogged. Been so busy!!!!

Met with the oncologist a few weeks ago. He's really pleased! I'm signed off now for 3 months! No treatment. No ongoing chemo. Feeling really well!

Next scan is at the end of April.

Snowing again here tonight - will it EVER stop!!!

I'll keep you up to date.

Thanks for checking in.

Luv

Dave

xx

Chloe here...

2009-02-07T12:04:00.003Z

Hi everyone!

I'm doing a sneaky update for David as his fans aren't happy that he's not been on for a while.

Wootton has just recently gone through and will continue to go through a new and exciting change! David & Suzy Goodson have now become the leaders of the church and for those who saw the service would agree with me in saying it was a touching one. It's so exciting! We have coffee now before church - check us! Oh and tomorrow we've breakfast. What a great little church we have. All the best to them and thanks to Ken and Mu for their hard work over the years. I often think of a Verse when I think of David & Suzy "Look at the nations and watch— and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told." (Habakkuk 1.5)

I never imagined such a small church go through so much in such a small space of time. The changes have been quite sudden and when God spoke He sure did. I mean with the new leaders that we have now they accepted that this is one of those new changes and who better than the two most hospitable people I've ever come across -I've been to Texas a state famous for this very thing.

So yes! I am amazed at the new happenings and didn't see it coming. As with David too...but like I said, he will share.

He is currently in...London? I think? I've not actually seen him for most of the week but he received some fantastic news which I will let him tell you.

Hasn't the snow been amazing!? Carys & James haven't been in school much and it almost turned into a snow week! I'm impressed. Yesterday Teresa was drifting down the drive in her Merc however she handled the car perfectly and after being dug out she shot off to London too.

David will be back tonight but not sure if he'd get around to blogging today. Sunday I shall make sure he gives you the 411.

Peace!

I'm Out

-Chlo Chlo

Home Again

2009-01-25T15:09:00.002Z

Hi Everyone

We made it back! Left Sydney on one of the hottest days of the year yesterday; it reached a sweltering 42C which is well above 100F. We had a great final day on the beach all day Saturday only leaving there at 4.30 pm. Our flight was at 9.45 pm via Dubai and we got into Birmingham at 11.00 this morning. Our body clocks are so confused as we have been travelling for 24 hours but due to the 11 hour time difference although it's only 3.15 in the afternoon here our Aussie clocks think it's 2.15 am on Monday morning. Business class was great again; worth every penny!

Still feeling well and very pleased to get the good news last week!

See ya

Dave xxx

2009-01-23T21:07:00.001Z

Hi Everyone

Well we’ve just woken up on our last morning in Aussie after a great week’s training from the great man himself Kip McGrath. It’s been invaluable, learnt so much and feeling ready to go now with new vigour! The weather has been perfect 30c + everyday and we’ve made the most of the beautiful Newcastle beach right outside our hotel after work. Kip, Storm and Dug McGrath have been great hosts, and it’s been fantastic to get to know them better.

The last scan result is just in and is fine. The oncologist is happy; I am described as ‘stable’. We assume this means nothing is on the move; the main tumour is still there but not growing or spreading, in fact still ‘dormant’. Thanks Lord!

We so couldn’t stand the thought of ‘cattle class’ on the way home that we’ve paid for an upgrade to ‘Business Class’ ourselves, decadent I know but after last year we promised ourselves we’d not scrimp, live for the moment, and enjoy some of that insurance claim! A few quid on moving from self catering and economy to sea view hotel and business class is well worth it when you’ve spent a year with a chemo drip in your arm and honking in a bucket!

The lifestyle here is amazing, we love the heat, the beach, the beautiful people but, worry not, the UK is home despite the awful weather and recession. We’re not about to move out here but might relocate the holiday place to somewhere hotter! Brittany is beautiful but a bit wet.
In our absence Chloe has passed her driving test – WELL DONE! My mum and dad have done a great job looking after the kids (with Chloe) and Amy has been an absolute hero keeping the office going. Thanks all! We couldn’t have done the trip without you.

Been able to read a bit whilst away and would recommend both books. ‘Dear Fatty’ which is Dawn French’s autobiography and ‘It’s Not About The Bike’ by Lance Armstrong and his fight with cancer. The Lance Armstrong book is particularly poignant for me; his prognosis was serious but actually better than mine – he got angry, not really felt angry myself but understand.

Well we don’t leave here until this afternoon at 5.00 so have a day on the beach (hard life); we get back home on Sunday afternoon at about 2.00.

See you all.

Dave xxxxx

Aussie Life - So Cool!

2009-01-18T20:01:00.002Z

Well here I am wide awake (thanks to jetlag) at 5.00 am Aussie time Monday morning which is 7.00 pm Sunday in the UK. We set off from Birmingham at 8.20 pm Friday picked up by a limousine courtesy of Emirates airlines and the ridiculously lucky free upgrade to business class. I am NEVER, EVER flying cattle class again EVER! Business class is so civilised, so grown up so gloriously, pompously middle class; it is to be utterly recommended. It has to be said I am easily impressed and a complete tart for posh stuff but business class takes the biscuit (and that biscuit is on a real bone china plate with a real Egyptian cotton napkin all at 35,000 feet and 500 miles an hour!).

Oh my, the seats in front are so far away you can’t even reach them with your legs stretched out. The seat is a scientific wonder, electronically adjusted and turns into an almost flat bed. It has a built in ‘vibro massage’ which is interesting and slightly disconcerting – should you have this much fun on a plane? We have 600 channels of ‘on demand’ entertainment at our fingertips albeit with all the naughty words dubbed out (Muslim airline). It took me a while to realise this and initially assumed (by some strange coincidence) that every actor had a slurring speech impediment. Saw five films, the inevitable documentary about tornados (or something) and an episode of the Simpsons where Homer has a bypass operation. Can’t remember the flims much; vaguely remember Nicholas Cage, Ricky Gervais and I think Thora Hurd – but surely not??

All the meals were fantastic, served on real china plates with little table clothes and you have a choice! (Feed me well and I’m yours!). Wine list is exquisite (airline is not too Muslim thankfully), and ongoing drinkie-poos and nibbles are yours on demand. Now I know on long haul flights you are supposed to stay hydrated, drink water, avoid booze etc. , but spare me! It’s free. Say no more! So Florence and I flew for 24 hours stuffing our faces, mildly inebriated and being vibro-massaged (did I mention the bone china plates?). We stopped in Dubai and headed straight to the business lounge for more of the same but sadly lacking the vibro chair.

Lots of aesthetically pleasing airline staff, a beautiful African stewardess that was totally ‘fancyable’ and served the drinks with panache with her hand behind her back. A sad lack of male eye candy for Teresa which we put down to the fact that as a Muslim airline they were all probably straight and therefore as drab and ordinary looking as me!

Already decided that we will mortgage our souls and pay for the upgrade for the return leg too. If I ever mention that I’m planning to fly in economy to Australia, slap me hard and remind me of the vibro-chair, the African stewardess and the free booze.

We checked into our hotel by 9.30 Sunday. Fantastic view of the beach from our room. We had to shop as I forgot my trunks. What to buy? All the cool guys wear board shorts here; all the old farts speedos which the Aussies call ‘budgie smugglers’. Bought board shorts in an attempt to look cool and hip! We then hit the beach. Weather was fantastic clear blue skies, sunshine 25C. Oh my goodness the beach was full of beautiful, impossibly young people. All tanned and honed to perfection; all blond and tousled and trendy. Instantly felt old, fat and dull. Revived my commitment to get a six pack and perhaps (if I can persuade Teresa) a mid-life crises tattoo. Something meaningful like John Wesley on horseback or Billy Graham addressing the multitudes at Harringay. Seriously, comments please on if Dave should get a tatt? Great shock factor – why not? Want to be young perfect surfer with white teeth and pecs. Teresa wants me to be one too! Why, oh why, do we live in the UK? It’s cold, it’s grey, it’s all cardigans and Tupperware. DULL. Going to move here; even as I write the prom is full of joggers and the surfers are already out. Seriously the weather is fantastic, the scenery glorious, the people laid back and the tans perfect! Time for a change!!!

Had a fantastic meal last night all very ‘nouveau-cuisine’, great wine (having sobered by now from the flight) and again a view of the beach.

So we’d better get up. Get breakfast and get to work. It’s a hard life.

PS had the scan on Friday before we left. No results yet though!

Luv
Dave

David Redfern - Cancer Survivor!

And finally...again!

An invitation....and some good news!

One week on...

A bit more clarification, an apology and an update..wow!

Funeral arrangements...at last

The Funeral and final bits...

One journey ends...another begins

One day at a time...

Changes....

David's blog (written Sunday morning)

The important stuff

Here....and back again

And so to St John's.....

My dear friends

Ups and Downs..

Words are not enough...

Rocky XV

Much the same

Monday morning.....

6 Litres!!!

Tough times ahead...

Never a dull moment........

Keep Fighting....

And I Think To Myself.....

All Sorts Happening

Good Days 'n' Bad Days

Update From France...

A moment to reflect..

Mixed News - Nodules On The March

More 'Not So Good' News - Still Smiling!

Quite A Week

Sunday Morning

Home After 10 'Interesting Days'

Quick update

Still in hospital

News from the hospital bed!

Florence Update

Update

Addenbrookes Update

Round #3

Christmas Eve In Our Village!

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010!!!!

More Chemo & Radiotherapy In 2010

Bad News I'm Afraid....

1 Year And No Treatment!

Slobber, slobber etc...

WOW!!!! Note The Changed Blog Title

Update (Again!)

Quick Update

Brittany Pics

Great Weekend

Back Home

HIYA!

Lots To Tell You!

GREAT DAY (BUT WET FEET!)

Still Good News....

Sorry!

Argh BT!!!!***

Fully Rested

Hope Springs Eternal

Great News: No Treatment For Now!

Great Weekend

Update On a Mad Life

Derbyshire

Weekend Stuff

More Thoughts...

CT Scan Results - Good

The Desert!

Wild Wadi Water Splash-a-rama Kids Haven

Dubai Marina - Where The Hotel Is!!

Our Hotel

Dubai On The Way...

Not Long To Go....

The Little Blighter Is In My Lower Valve

First Things First

Thursday It Is!

Coming To Terms - It's A Notso Bad!

Tour De Eire!

Oh !##***!!!***~ & BLAST....

Oh !##!!!~ & BLAST....