So..for all of you who are still out there...he went off with a bang which is exactly what he wanted. Thanks so much to all those who took the time to come and who shared their thoughts with me afterwards. I know that so many of you were touched and...yes I'm going to say it...'inspired' by it. I thought I would cry through the whole thing but in fact every time I looked at David's coffin I couldn't help but smile...I know he would have loved the whole thing and several people told me that they felt he was there with us and I felt very much the same and it was a wonderful feeling.
I am so proud of everyone who took part - you were all amazing and wonderful and everything you said/sang/showed was just right and a fitting tribute to a unique and remarkable person.
Apologies to those I didn't get to speak to...there were so many and my feet were in tatters by the time I got home (note to self...high heels and graveyards are not a good combination!) but it was incredible to walk into the church and see so many people there and also at the Sharbrook afterwards (that one's for you Sian!) A huge thanks and hug go to my 'main man' Phil who did such a fabulous job with the Order of Service...they just looked incredible and will be a wonderful keepsake for us all. It was very emotional putting it together!!
After we got home we had a couple of glasses of wine (I think it was two...sorry lost count somewhere)...and spent a mad couple of hours with the kids hula hooping in the garden and then watching 'The Rock' (one of David's favourite films - very old school!)
Today is a quiet day...we are going to wander up to the church yard again later to spend some time looking at the flowers and listen to the birds..it is a beautiful spot and very peaceful. Wasn't it a beautiful day too yesterday...and so warm..just lovely!
Tomorrow will be a new day..time to take a deep breath and look forward and think about the future and maybe make some changes...and as the song 'Yesterday' said...'Heaven knows what the future holds' and that's true. This at last will be my final blog (honestly!)and I sign off as someone who has undergone so much change in the past 2 years and has been on a difficult journey but who has emerged the other side full of gratitude, hope, faith, courage and determination to start anew...with my wonderful family and friends and my Lord helping me along the way...and my David always in my heart guiding me too.
Finally...many people have spoken to me about potentially publishing David's blog and it is something I will look into in the coming weeks, if it's right then I am sure it will happen. David didn't start it for that purpose of course but if it would help and...ouch....'inspire' others who may be going through similar journeys and possibly raise some money for St John's then I think it is worthwhile - so watch this space. I will endeavour to let you all know as and when and if it happens...may have to put it on the blog...oh no here we go again....
So, for now, signing off with a smile and as Jane put so beautifully in the Book of Memories..to my beloved David and to all of you lovely people...
'Keep safe on your next Journey'
Love always and always,
Florence x
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
An invitation....and some good news!
Good morning all,
Just to let you know that David's body has now been fully prepared for burial and if you wish to you can arrange to see him at Arnold's chapel of rest. You do need to ring in advance to make an appointment. I have dressed him in his brown suit, the one he wore to his friend Nathan's wedding just a couple of months ago...the last time I saw him in it he looked so handsome and was so excited about being invited... The emotional hits will just keep coming I know..
I am not sure as yet whether I want to go and see him now. I have been thinking about it for the past couple of days but am still undecided and I know that people have very definite views about this sort of thing. To be honest I don't know if I will regret it if I don't or maybe I will regret it if I do....
Also on a practical note, unfortunately we are not able to use the large community centre/village hall carpark which is across the road from Bromham baptist church as they have an event on on Tuesday morning (although if it's not busy you may be able to sneak in!) There is parking at the Church itself and quite a few side roads that you will be able to park on but my advice if you have trouble walking that you do get to the church fairly early if possible. I can promise it will be worth the trouble.
Today I am going up to the church yard with my minister Graham and we are meeting the minister of Odell church there later on this morning to see where the grave will be...glad the sun is shining! The churchyard is in an idealic spot...set on the hillside and full of spring flowers at this time of year...I am glad I will be able to visit it often and I know it will be a comfort for all of us to have him so close.
OK...to close on a high note I wanted to let you know some very good news! Carys is going to be an extra in a major dance film!! She auditioned in Birmingham in March (Chloe has been involved in the casting for several films in recent months....she knows all the big names in film of course...she's such a luvvie!) and we heard that she got the part yesterday (without Chloe's help I have to say!), and they also want her to attend the premiere in London next year! Go Carys! She was so thrilled and it was lovely to tell her the good news....
So...signing off again..thanks for dropping in..have a good Tuesday...by the way wasn't there an election last week?...oh well don't think I've missed anything!
Florence x
Just to let you know that David's body has now been fully prepared for burial and if you wish to you can arrange to see him at Arnold's chapel of rest. You do need to ring in advance to make an appointment. I have dressed him in his brown suit, the one he wore to his friend Nathan's wedding just a couple of months ago...the last time I saw him in it he looked so handsome and was so excited about being invited... The emotional hits will just keep coming I know..
I am not sure as yet whether I want to go and see him now. I have been thinking about it for the past couple of days but am still undecided and I know that people have very definite views about this sort of thing. To be honest I don't know if I will regret it if I don't or maybe I will regret it if I do....
Also on a practical note, unfortunately we are not able to use the large community centre/village hall carpark which is across the road from Bromham baptist church as they have an event on on Tuesday morning (although if it's not busy you may be able to sneak in!) There is parking at the Church itself and quite a few side roads that you will be able to park on but my advice if you have trouble walking that you do get to the church fairly early if possible. I can promise it will be worth the trouble.
Today I am going up to the church yard with my minister Graham and we are meeting the minister of Odell church there later on this morning to see where the grave will be...glad the sun is shining! The churchyard is in an idealic spot...set on the hillside and full of spring flowers at this time of year...I am glad I will be able to visit it often and I know it will be a comfort for all of us to have him so close.
OK...to close on a high note I wanted to let you know some very good news! Carys is going to be an extra in a major dance film!! She auditioned in Birmingham in March (Chloe has been involved in the casting for several films in recent months....she knows all the big names in film of course...she's such a luvvie!) and we heard that she got the part yesterday (without Chloe's help I have to say!), and they also want her to attend the premiere in London next year! Go Carys! She was so thrilled and it was lovely to tell her the good news....
So...signing off again..thanks for dropping in..have a good Tuesday...by the way wasn't there an election last week?...oh well don't think I've missed anything!
Florence x
Sunday, May 9, 2010
One week on...
Good morning all
One week on and firstly I need to let you know that the after funeral 'do' (hate the word 'wake') due to 'popularity of the deceased' ( Adrian's comment - blame him for the black humour - he's sitting here in my kitchen) will now take place at the Sharnbrook Hotel, Sharnbrook, which is about 5 mins drive from Odell. Again all this will be in the order of service and will also be announced at the end of the funeral. Was panicking that the village hall, although David's first choice was going to be nowhere near big enough.
One week on...hardly seems possible...we're all doing incredibly well. There have been some very tough moments as you might imagine.....but 80% of the time we're ok which I think is pretty good. James now wears his dad's watch and Carys is keeping a lovely photo of her daddy under her pillow and reckons that he is the cheeky robin who is constantly in the garden at the moment and following everyone around..I'm happy with that picture...
I think it will be after the funeral when it will finally begin to hit home...but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I have felt David's presence and guiding hand throughout the past few days helping me with the tough decisions and giving me comfort in the lonely moments....and I have felt an incredible sense of peace throughout the week...even when the tears have fallen which they have often.
The poor postman is now suing due to a bad back from carrying the enormous amount of cards which arrive through my door every morning and reading those and your wonderful letters has also made me cry...Dawnie and Steve....amazing words and memories you shared.. thanks so much...and thanks to everyone who has taken the time to write, e mail and text.
Have a blessed Sunday....
Love to you all xxx
One week on and firstly I need to let you know that the after funeral 'do' (hate the word 'wake') due to 'popularity of the deceased' ( Adrian's comment - blame him for the black humour - he's sitting here in my kitchen) will now take place at the Sharnbrook Hotel, Sharnbrook, which is about 5 mins drive from Odell. Again all this will be in the order of service and will also be announced at the end of the funeral. Was panicking that the village hall, although David's first choice was going to be nowhere near big enough.
One week on...hardly seems possible...we're all doing incredibly well. There have been some very tough moments as you might imagine.....but 80% of the time we're ok which I think is pretty good. James now wears his dad's watch and Carys is keeping a lovely photo of her daddy under her pillow and reckons that he is the cheeky robin who is constantly in the garden at the moment and following everyone around..I'm happy with that picture...
I think it will be after the funeral when it will finally begin to hit home...but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I have felt David's presence and guiding hand throughout the past few days helping me with the tough decisions and giving me comfort in the lonely moments....and I have felt an incredible sense of peace throughout the week...even when the tears have fallen which they have often.
The poor postman is now suing due to a bad back from carrying the enormous amount of cards which arrive through my door every morning and reading those and your wonderful letters has also made me cry...Dawnie and Steve....amazing words and memories you shared.. thanks so much...and thanks to everyone who has taken the time to write, e mail and text.
Have a blessed Sunday....
Love to you all xxx
Thursday, May 6, 2010
A bit more clarification, an apology and an update..wow!
Hi folks...
Me again...seems like my attempt to sign off in grand style just didn't work! I have had a few people (including my own mother, bless her!) asking for more information regarding the funeral so I apologise if it isn't clear - I suppose because I know what is happening it's clear to me if you see what I mean...
Anyway - the service IS a funeral and David's body will be there (he would never forgive me if he missed it!). The service is at Bromham but afterwards invited family and close friends will travel back to Odell for the burial in the parish church, but then everyone who is able to attend is then invited for food and drink at Odell village Hall. This will all be announced again at the end of the service, but I fully appreciate for those people who are travelling some distance and don't know the area it is a bit confusing! Also regarding the black - it is ok to wear some black eg shoes, trousers , underpants etc as long as you are not entirely in black (my mum has just bought a new pair of black trousers!)
I hope this all makes sense now,,
ps - ok so.. while I am still blogging - thanks with all my heart for all the cards, e mails and texts...too many to mention indvidually...I have been SO touched by them and intend to get a book to put them all into. Myself and the kids are all doing well....being busy sorting out the funeral helps in a strange way, but the simplest and oddest things do make me blub as you might imagine. There have been a lot of tears amongst the laughter in the last few days..for example Chloe and I stood on the drive in silence yesterday morning with tears streaming down our faces as the skip which I had filled in David's absence was loaded onto a lorry and taken away...the driver must have thought we were both mad...and the poor parent of a student whom I tutor who rushed up to me with smiles all over her face as I pulled up outside Pilgrims school to register the death (for those who don't know the school shares a carpark with the registrar's office) and asked me with joyful ignorance 'what are you doing here?' was so mortified when she heard the answer that I am sure she will need therapy!
On a more serious note...the range of emotions we have all been through in the last few days has been incredible...I had a couple of days when all I could do was see his face and hear his breathing....and it was torture..to some moments when I feel a huge sense of relief that he is no longer suffering and it is over...to feelings of guilt that I even feel that way...my heart feels like it has a huge David shaped hole in it now...but the cancer shaped hole which has been there for the last 2 years is there no longer..it is as if the sands of time have run from one to the other..filling up one space but leaving an even bigger and more painful one...but some bits of my life which were not ok...are now ok again..and that helps...and some bits will never be ok again..but the memories are still there and talking to a friend who has been through a very similar experience has also helped..thanks Lorraine...she said that through time the memories will only bring joy...not joy mixed with longing and pain...and I am sure that is true...only time will tell I suppose...
Anyway enough rambling on from me...signing off for now...never say never again...
Flo x
Me again...seems like my attempt to sign off in grand style just didn't work! I have had a few people (including my own mother, bless her!) asking for more information regarding the funeral so I apologise if it isn't clear - I suppose because I know what is happening it's clear to me if you see what I mean...
Anyway - the service IS a funeral and David's body will be there (he would never forgive me if he missed it!). The service is at Bromham but afterwards invited family and close friends will travel back to Odell for the burial in the parish church, but then everyone who is able to attend is then invited for food and drink at Odell village Hall. This will all be announced again at the end of the service, but I fully appreciate for those people who are travelling some distance and don't know the area it is a bit confusing! Also regarding the black - it is ok to wear some black eg shoes, trousers , underpants etc as long as you are not entirely in black (my mum has just bought a new pair of black trousers!)
I hope this all makes sense now,,
ps - ok so.. while I am still blogging - thanks with all my heart for all the cards, e mails and texts...too many to mention indvidually...I have been SO touched by them and intend to get a book to put them all into. Myself and the kids are all doing well....being busy sorting out the funeral helps in a strange way, but the simplest and oddest things do make me blub as you might imagine. There have been a lot of tears amongst the laughter in the last few days..for example Chloe and I stood on the drive in silence yesterday morning with tears streaming down our faces as the skip which I had filled in David's absence was loaded onto a lorry and taken away...the driver must have thought we were both mad...and the poor parent of a student whom I tutor who rushed up to me with smiles all over her face as I pulled up outside Pilgrims school to register the death (for those who don't know the school shares a carpark with the registrar's office) and asked me with joyful ignorance 'what are you doing here?' was so mortified when she heard the answer that I am sure she will need therapy!
On a more serious note...the range of emotions we have all been through in the last few days has been incredible...I had a couple of days when all I could do was see his face and hear his breathing....and it was torture..to some moments when I feel a huge sense of relief that he is no longer suffering and it is over...to feelings of guilt that I even feel that way...my heart feels like it has a huge David shaped hole in it now...but the cancer shaped hole which has been there for the last 2 years is there no longer..it is as if the sands of time have run from one to the other..filling up one space but leaving an even bigger and more painful one...but some bits of my life which were not ok...are now ok again..and that helps...and some bits will never be ok again..but the memories are still there and talking to a friend who has been through a very similar experience has also helped..thanks Lorraine...she said that through time the memories will only bring joy...not joy mixed with longing and pain...and I am sure that is true...only time will tell I suppose...
Anyway enough rambling on from me...signing off for now...never say never again...
Flo x
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Funeral arrangements...at last
Hi everyone
So sorry for the delay - difficulties in tying up lots of different churches, ministers etc! Typical David - it was never going to be simple!! Below are the details which will be printed in both the Bedford Times and Citizen and the Derby Evening Telegraph.
REDFERN, DAVID MARK ended his brave battle with cancer on Sunday 2nd May at St John’s Hospice, Moggerhanger, aged 44 years. Beloved husband of Teresa (Florence), much loved father of Amy, James and Carys, cherished son of Ken and Ann and brother to Adrian. He touched the hearts of everyone he met and will be missed more than words can say. The service to celebrate his amazing life and his passing into heaven will take place at 11.00 am at Bromham Baptist Church, Bromham, Bedford on Tuesday 18th May. At David’s request no black to be worn and lots of flowers. Donations can also be made to the work of St John’s. All enquiries regarding flowers and donations to Arnold’s Funeral Service, Bedford, Tel: 01234 359529.
I know that it will be a fitting tribute for a wonderful man and I hope that you can join myself and the family there.
Love as always
Teresa aka Florence xx
So sorry for the delay - difficulties in tying up lots of different churches, ministers etc! Typical David - it was never going to be simple!! Below are the details which will be printed in both the Bedford Times and Citizen and the Derby Evening Telegraph.
REDFERN, DAVID MARK ended his brave battle with cancer on Sunday 2nd May at St John’s Hospice, Moggerhanger, aged 44 years. Beloved husband of Teresa (Florence), much loved father of Amy, James and Carys, cherished son of Ken and Ann and brother to Adrian. He touched the hearts of everyone he met and will be missed more than words can say. The service to celebrate his amazing life and his passing into heaven will take place at 11.00 am at Bromham Baptist Church, Bromham, Bedford on Tuesday 18th May. At David’s request no black to be worn and lots of flowers. Donations can also be made to the work of St John’s. All enquiries regarding flowers and donations to Arnold’s Funeral Service, Bedford, Tel: 01234 359529.
I know that it will be a fitting tribute for a wonderful man and I hope that you can join myself and the family there.
Love as always
Teresa aka Florence xx
Monday, May 3, 2010
The Funeral and final bits...
Good morning everyone
Having said it was my final blog yesterday, so many people have asked about the funeral that I thought I had better post something to let everyone know the arrangements. I am due to meet with the undertaker tomorrow so will post the time and date of the funeral once I have sorted it all out so please look out for it in the next day or two. In all likelihood it will be early next week.
Thanks so much for all your lovely comments, texts and e mails. We have all been comforted by them so much. Also thanks to all my wonderful family and friends who have made things so much easier for me than they might have been in the last few days.
I have walked around the house this morning whilst everyone else sleeps...it seems so quiet without him...and I picked up and read again the card he sent me for our 24th Wedding Anniversary. A card which Amy had to buy for him because he was in hospital...but via her he still managed to organise flowers bless him!!
I have been in two minds as to whether to share the words that he wrote in the card but I think that actually they are not just for me...they are for all of you too and so it seems fitting to end with them and I hope they will bring some comfort to you guys as they have done for me (I won't include the mushy love bit at the bottom)
'My wife, what an amazing year. I just wanted to thank you with every ounce of my being for walking the path with me. I know that it is 'a road less travelled' but with you by my side I know I can be brave'
...and he was.
Florence xx
Having said it was my final blog yesterday, so many people have asked about the funeral that I thought I had better post something to let everyone know the arrangements. I am due to meet with the undertaker tomorrow so will post the time and date of the funeral once I have sorted it all out so please look out for it in the next day or two. In all likelihood it will be early next week.
Thanks so much for all your lovely comments, texts and e mails. We have all been comforted by them so much. Also thanks to all my wonderful family and friends who have made things so much easier for me than they might have been in the last few days.
I have walked around the house this morning whilst everyone else sleeps...it seems so quiet without him...and I picked up and read again the card he sent me for our 24th Wedding Anniversary. A card which Amy had to buy for him because he was in hospital...but via her he still managed to organise flowers bless him!!
I have been in two minds as to whether to share the words that he wrote in the card but I think that actually they are not just for me...they are for all of you too and so it seems fitting to end with them and I hope they will bring some comfort to you guys as they have done for me (I won't include the mushy love bit at the bottom)
'My wife, what an amazing year. I just wanted to thank you with every ounce of my being for walking the path with me. I know that it is 'a road less travelled' but with you by my side I know I can be brave'
...and he was.
Florence xx
Sunday, May 2, 2010
One journey ends...another begins
The cliffs above Rospico beach - Easter Monday 2010
Well....David breathed his last at 3.30 am this morning. I sat with him through the night hours, listening to him struggle to breathe and watching his body slowly shut down. In the end he was in peace, with no pain, with his beloved Florence by his side as always...and I know that's what he wanted..
Everyone says it that the end is a relief when it comes and that is true. These last few days have been more traumatic and difficult than I can tell, but those who love him most have had the chance to say goodbye which is how it should be.
My lovely friends...his new journey has now begun and ours must too. This will be my last entry...David's blog was all about the fight...and that is now over for all of us...we now have to face new challenges which will be just as great. The challenge of being without him will be just as big a fight but one which we will all face with courage because that's what he would want and what he deserves.
It has been an honour and a privilege to continue the blog for David whilst he has been unable to do so himself, and the more I talk to people...even the nurses at the hospice who have only had a few days with him...and read the comments on the blog from so many people from all over the globe...the more I begin to understand what an amazing, amazing person he was....the word 'inspiration' is used to describe him time and time again...and I think I will probably never fully know the extent to which he has influenced and enriched the lives of so many who came into contact with him. The greatest honour and privilege has been to share that life with him over the past 27 years....no words can describe how proud I am of him and how much I will miss him.
I have asked him to be there to meet me when my time comes...and I am sure that he will. He will continue to be with us in all our hearts as the days, weeks and years go by...and I know I will hear his voice often.
The funeral will be a wonderful celebration of his life so I hope to see you all there. Let's give him a riotous send off...he would love that!
So...today when you think of David...amongst the tears which I know we will all shed..let there be smiles and laughter too....again, that's what he would want. Even at the end...we had to smile ourselves..David's feet suddenly turned dark brown and none of us could figure out what this strange medical phenomenon was until one of the nurses suddenly realised that she had moisturised his feet with fake tan!!!
So..For David...this is Florence...signing off for the last time and sending you all my love on this wet Sunday morning....isn't it strange how the weather has taken a turn for the worse...(!!)
God bless you and Keep you, and Make His face to shine upon you...and give you Peace xxxxxxxx
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