Aussie Life - So Cool!

Well here I am wide awake (thanks to jetlag) at 5.00 am Aussie time Monday morning which is 7.00 pm Sunday in the UK. We set off from Birmingham at 8.20 pm Friday picked up by a limousine courtesy of Emirates airlines and the ridiculously lucky free upgrade to business class. I am NEVER, EVER flying cattle class again EVER! Business class is so civilised, so grown up so gloriously, pompously middle class; it is to be utterly recommended. It has to be said I am easily impressed and a complete tart for posh stuff but business class takes the biscuit (and that biscuit is on a real bone china plate with a real Egyptian cotton napkin all at 35,000 feet and 500 miles an hour!).

Oh my, the seats in front are so far away you can’t even reach them with your legs stretched out. The seat is a scientific wonder, electronically adjusted and turns into an almost flat bed. It has a built in ‘vibro massage’ which is interesting and slightly disconcerting – should you have this much fun on a plane? We have 600 channels of ‘on demand’ entertainment at our fingertips albeit with all the naughty words dubbed out (Muslim airline). It took me a while to realise this and initially assumed (by some strange coincidence) that every actor had a slurring speech impediment. Saw five films, the inevitable documentary about tornados (or something) and an episode of the Simpsons where Homer has a bypass operation. Can’t remember the flims much; vaguely remember Nicholas Cage, Ricky Gervais and I think Thora Hurd – but surely not??

All the meals were fantastic, served on real china plates with little table clothes and you have a choice! (Feed me well and I’m yours!). Wine list is exquisite (airline is not too Muslim thankfully), and ongoing drinkie-poos and nibbles are yours on demand. Now I know on long haul flights you are supposed to stay hydrated, drink water, avoid booze etc. , but spare me! It’s free. Say no more! So Florence and I flew for 24 hours stuffing our faces, mildly inebriated and being vibro-massaged (did I mention the bone china plates?). We stopped in Dubai and headed straight to the business lounge for more of the same but sadly lacking the vibro chair.

Lots of aesthetically pleasing airline staff, a beautiful African stewardess that was totally ‘fancyable’ and served the drinks with panache with her hand behind her back. A sad lack of male eye candy for Teresa which we put down to the fact that as a Muslim airline they were all probably straight and therefore as drab and ordinary looking as me!

Already decided that we will mortgage our souls and pay for the upgrade for the return leg too. If I ever mention that I’m planning to fly in economy to Australia, slap me hard and remind me of the vibro-chair, the African stewardess and the free booze.

We checked into our hotel by 9.30 Sunday. Fantastic view of the beach from our room. We had to shop as I forgot my trunks. What to buy? All the cool guys wear board shorts here; all the old farts speedos which the Aussies call ‘budgie smugglers’. Bought board shorts in an attempt to look cool and hip! We then hit the beach. Weather was fantastic clear blue skies, sunshine 25C. Oh my goodness the beach was full of beautiful, impossibly young people. All tanned and honed to perfection; all blond and tousled and trendy. Instantly felt old, fat and dull. Revived my commitment to get a six pack and perhaps (if I can persuade Teresa) a mid-life crises tattoo. Something meaningful like John Wesley on horseback or Billy Graham addressing the multitudes at Harringay. Seriously, comments please on if Dave should get a tatt? Great shock factor – why not? Want to be young perfect surfer with white teeth and pecs. Teresa wants me to be one too! Why, oh why, do we live in the UK? It’s cold, it’s grey, it’s all cardigans and Tupperware. DULL. Going to move here; even as I write the prom is full of joggers and the surfers are already out. Seriously the weather is fantastic, the scenery glorious, the people laid back and the tans perfect! Time for a change!!!

Had a fantastic meal last night all very ‘nouveau-cuisine’, great wine (having sobered by now from the flight) and again a view of the beach.

So we’d better get up. Get breakfast and get to work. It’s a hard life.

PS had the scan on Friday before we left. No results yet though!

Luv
Dave