OK Guys, I confess; I'm struggling!
The medics treating me are pleased with my progress. They do however remain very negative about my long-term prognosis. They don't all believe in miracles and have no evidence that I am cancer free. They can confirm (and are overjoyed) that the main tumour is so small it can't be seen on a scan. If pushed they feel there is still going to be lots of little bits of malignancy there any one of which could flare up at any time. I had negative(ish) talks with a few of them this week. Remember this particular cancer is terminal - only a miracle will save me, the treatment is only palliative.
As I approach the end of my treatment you could look at the picture in one of two ways. The treatment would have ended at this stage regardless. There is no more they can do for me at present. Praise God I don't need any more treatment at present. If I did we'd be saying 'oh well - they gave it a try'. 'Treatment ended - wait and see' is the medical reality of my situation.
I suppose what I am trying to clumsily say is that this is a war with many battles. The war is not won until I get the all clear. As much as it frustrates me I have to admit that a tumour so small it cannot be seen is still a tumour. It may be gone totally - I've no evidence of that though yet. The first battle of this war is WON. God: 1, Devil: 0. First round to God, now on to the next fight. Fight two is praying that the little bits do not grow and that the main tumour is totally gone (not just too small to see).
Brothers and sisters please don't stop praying because we've had one miracle. I'm going to potentially need more before the war is won. Please don't think I lack faith, just the opposite I have never been so convinced of God's love, care and protection. Keep walking with me - please!
If I were to go downhill from this stage I would testify that to be so well after 6 months is down to God and His healing power and is a miracle (the oncologist remember said 'exceptional response').
Even today I have started to put my Phd research proposal together in the hope of starting the study for a doctorate at Cliff (and Manchester Uni) in September - part time this would take 6 years - this is not the action of a man who lacks faith. Just a mad-man.
My friend Gordon Stroud took me to Addenbrookes today, it was great to share fellowship on the way there and back and catch up on all the Woodside (our old church) news.
Chloe and I are off to lead the WNL (Wootton New Life) youth group (XLR8) tonight; my group are looking at financial giving - the evening is titled 'Lord save us from the jumble sale'. Tithing is so much less hassle!
Health is OK, feel a bit sick and tired but that will pass. Being back on chemo tablets for the next two weeks doesn't help.
Have a great evening - sorry to get heavy on you today!
Luv Dave xxxx
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6 comments:
When we are weak, He is strong.
The medics, God Bless them work on the law of averages. I should have been 6 feet under in 2003 but I am still giving them a headache. They need a challenge from time to time - keeps them on their toes.
Love Jenny x
Hi Pappa.
You know? That must've been difficult to write. I've not really been thinking about any of it to be honest because I am very confused by it all yet I'm not? I think that it is, is there's this waiting. You're waiting, everyones waiting to hear just what is going on. I know it's a while until we know here the big cancer is going. Any news big or small - is great news! That's just what we did though...we celebrated the fact that the cancer has shrunk so small. =) I love how you're so honest with your thoughts but...Pappa!! Naughty naughty! Those who read this and see what you've written...I don't think they think you're in lack of faith. I honestly do believe you need to remove that from your mind because ... maybe it will help you? I know you're not well because of all the chemo etc etc stuff...but you've to be at peace and not think about what others think and honestly. They're such amazing people I know they'd not think that at ALL! It's hard to balance it all out. Its SO hard being patient!! Grr to patience! =)
Just keep doing whatcha doing and take each day in your stride. You're INCREDIBLY brave.
Nope! Not lack of faith... absolutely NOT!! You know yourself and you know what you have to do. (You've gotten this far) and i thought the teasing might stop whilst you were going through treatment-heck no it aint!
You're being real. Taking both things into account. It can go anyway though but at least you don't have your head in the clouds. (not saying anybody does)
I Support You J Pappa!
blasted typos
Dave your faith is huge, at church at home, wherever you are people can see that your faith is stronger than strong, don't think that people doubt your faith because they don’t!
You have your kept faith when many in your situation would have given up their faith and been angry with God, which shows how strong your faith is.
You have been faithful through it and God has rewarded you with one battle but to win the war you need to keep your faith no matter what and….you are doing it!
Dave you have been a testament to determination, you have stuck with your faith and people who aren’t Christians look at you and go why haven’t you given up on God, but you say that with God nothing is impossible!
God Bless and Stay Strong
Your little preacher man - Matt
Dave
It's OK to feel a bit low, but as Chloe & Matt say no one can doubt your faith. You remain a continual inspiration to all of us.
Remember that you're still in God's Back Pack and we won't give up praying.
I'm sure you've heard of P.U.S.H. - Pray Until Something Happens, well the something we're praying for is 'No Trace'.
God Bless you mate, looking forward to catching up on Saturday - Risotto on the menu, so hopefully that will go down OK!
David
Hey Dovid,
No faith, low faith, Dovid Ridfin...NEVER!!!!
So stop that claptrap right now!
Have we not been saying over and over again what an inspiration you and your lovely wife have and continue to be? Or did you have your "man " ears on, and only sort of, kind of listen?
(sorry guys, but so true!)
Desert you, us faithful bloggeroonies...NEVER!
Stop blasting God with prayer...NEVER.
And we know He NEVER only sort of, kind of listens...He listens to our very souls, and they cry out...NO TRACE.
Yes, grrrr to being patient ( not the forte of a redhead), but we can be, because we serve a mighty, miracle making God, who ain't finished with you yet, Redfern.
It's ok to feel crap, though, just snuggle down in the rucksack, and let God, and the prayers of all those who know and love you, carry you through.
When you coming to muck my stables out, anyway.....lazy s-d, they are knee deep in it now.......
poor ponies!
Going now, feel a prayer coming on..Love as always, to you and yours,
Sianaroonie xxxxx
Can't do the letters again, John must have hacked in and planted rubbish ones...again.
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